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I don’t listen to him as I get back to my car and start driving, trying to stop the tears that hit. I didn’t know where I was going, it was more autopilot than anything and when I finally stopped the car, I knew exactly what I needed to do. I grabbed the bag from the trunk of the car, the one that was still down beside the tire that until tonight I’d forgotten about and headed inside. It was time to stop all of the foolishness and get back to being me. The only one I could be to survive.
I slip down the hall and push open the door, giving them a smile when they looked up in surprise, “Need some help around here?”
“When don’t we need help?” Sam counters studying me. “What happened to New York and the guy there?”
“Didn’t work out, that’s not where I’m supposed to be.”
“You sure about that one?” Tony asks and I nod.
“Yeah, this is home. So what do you say? Let a girl earn some tips?”
“Always Ame…” Sam agrees ushering Tony out. She turns back to me and studies me for a few more moments. “Are you really sure about this?”
“Yeah, relationships and I don’t mix. I was always fighting the need to run from it anyway. That’s not a good sign, right?”
“Not always,” Sam agrees, “but there’s no reason to come back here just because it didn’t work out.”
“I know but staying in New York won’t help anything. I’ll head back there in a couple weeks and clear out my place, until then this is where I should be.”
“You’re always welcome here Ame you know that and anytime you want to leave you know you can do that too.”
“I do and thanks…I’ll go change and see who needs help,” I tell her heading backstage to get dressed.
The second I step back out onto the floor I felt the conviction in my decision. So-what if everyone gets mad at me. It’s my life and I’ll do whatever I want, including messing it all up, as far as they’re concerned.
Chapter 13
“Ame, you’ve got a visitor,” Tony warns me as I load up the tray with drinks. I glance over towards the door and sigh. He found me somehow apparently.
I finish loading the tray then lift it, making my way back to my tables, giving the guys there my flirty look that would spell more tips in my pocket. I’ll need them if I’m going to get all my stuff moved back from New York.
“Amelia, what the hell are you doing here?” Rafe demands and I ignore him as I head towards another table to check up on them. He continues to follow me, and I finally stop when we reach the back corner and turn around to face at him.
“I’m working, so please leave unless you’re here for the show,” I state and the way he looks at me starts to pull at my resolve.
“Damn it Ame, I’ve been looking for you all day. Your parents are worried sick thinking you were in an accident in some ditch. Maggie is frantic because you told her you’d be back and you’re not…you didn’t come back. Do you know what that did to her? Do you even care?” he questions, his eyes narrowing on me.
“Does it matter?”
“Does it matter? Of course it matters baby. Shit Ame, when your friend showed up, we all started to worry more. It finally hit me that if you ran, you’d have run here…but why? Why the hell didn’t you just tell me?” he asks, his tone softening a bit and that makes I hard to hold my resolve.
“Tell you what?” I ask truly not sure what he was talking about this time.
“Tell me why you’re so scared of loving me,” he states, and I shake my head averting my gaze from him.
“I’m not and I don’t.”
“Yes, you do baby. Harrison told us you went to see him yesterday, but you left quickly, and he wanted to give you some room before trying to finish explaining. No one knew what he was even talking about, baby. Not one of us knew that you’d met someone and lost them when you were sixteen. Why keep it to yourself? Why hide it from your parents back then and me now?”
“Why does it matter?” I counter. The softness in his gaze tugs hard at my heart, makes me want to give in, sink into his arms and cry it all out, but I can’t. I won’t. It’s best for him to just leave. “I’m horrible at relationships. You and Maggie are better off without me.”
“No we’re not, baby,” he argues, his voice still sweet and gentle and it just hurts more. “Right now I’m trying my best to not be angry at you for scaring Maggie by not coming home, but you’re trying to push me away and it’s letting that anger win out. You are meant to be with us. You are meant to be loved by us.”
“I’m meant to be right here—alone,” I counter before stalking away from him because the look in his eyes as he watches me is too much to take.
I want to throw my arms around him, kiss him until we’re both drowning in it, but I can’t because I finally got my answer. I pushed Chad into killing himself by loving him, by wantinga future with him, and I won’t do the same thing to Rafe and Maggie.
“No, you’re not. You are meant to be with me and my daughter…our daughter because you are the only mother Maggie has ever had. Do you honestly want me to go back to your parents’ place and tell her you’re tired of being with us? That for some reason you won’t explain you refuse to be with us? Do you want me to tell your mother that you’re here working in a strip club, letting men undress you with their eyes?”
