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A big, hot tear slid out of the corner of my eye, running over the bridge of my nose before it dripped into the pillow. I didn’t wipe it away. Neither did she.
“I just can’t talk about it yet, Mom. I thought … I thought I’d have time to figure out what to say to everyone, what to say tohim, and this whole day has just gone upside down so fast.”
Mom rubbed my back, and the tension ebbed from my frame. Her soft shushing noise helped too. It was the kind of noise you’d make if a baby was crying, rocking them back and forth to try to make them feel better.
Except I was the one who needed consoling. Not because Jax had reacted badly, but holy shit, it was a less than ideal way for him to find out. For my family to find out.
I wanted to ask her if everyone would somehow be disappointed in me because I’d lied for so long, but I couldn’t make the words leave the base of my throat. They just sat there, and I’m telling you, if slightly hormonal, mildly insecure questions had a taste, it would be something bitter and chalky.
My entire life, I was one of those kids who never got in trouble. Always had good grades. Showed up whenever someone needed me. And my crush on Jax was almost unilaterally viewed as a “poor Poppy” type situation, like I was something to be pitied because I couldn’t quite move on.
Curling in a tighter ball, I settled my arm around my little bump and tried to imbue happy, low-stress thoughts down to the nugget. Could they feel what I felt? Today, I really hoped not.
Without saying anything else, my mom leaned down and brushed a soft kiss over my temple. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” I murmured, giving her a grateful smile. With a wink, she tugged the blanket back over my head, and I was fast asleep within a few minutes.
A couple of hours later, I woke with a dry mouth and a screaming bladder, and when I shuffled down the hallway to pee, I couldn’t hear any noise coming from downstairs. The house might have been quiet, but I didn’t have any texts on my phone from Mom letting me know she’d gone anywhere.What I did have, though, was texts in our sister thread, and I groaned when I saw the first couple.
Greer: Okay, just tell us how you want to proceed. Do you want to talk about it? Not talk about it? Jax left for the afternoon, so I’m a little calmer now.
Adaline: OMG, did you threaten someone again? GREER.
Greer: Listen, it was one little hammer, and if the man can’t handle it, maybe he shouldn’t have boinked the little sister.
Ivy: The little sister can read these texts, you know…
Ivy: Also, I, for one, would like to know how the boinking was after so many years of buildup.
Adaline: Who let you in this chat, Ivy?
Harlow: I did. We need some non-Wilder blood. I also wouldn’t mind knowing. Call it author research in case I write this into a book someday. The angst would be off the charts.
Greer: I swear, nothing is sacred anymore. I don’t know what my brothers see in you two.
Ivy: I’d answer that question, but I don’t think you want the answer.
Harlow: The sex aside, no one would be able to put up with Ian, which works out nicely for me.
Adaline: I’m covering my ears. And eyes. Feel free to redirect this conversation ANY TIME, Pops.
A quiet laugh escaped despite my best intentions, but I didn’t reply right away. I wandered downstairs, and no answercame when I called my mom’s name. I sat at the kitchen counter and sank my head into my hands. What did I need right now? What would help?
I wasn’t even sure what to say or how to address my big, certifiably insane family about any of this. They were nosy. Overprotective (especially of me). Loud with their opinions. Louder with their love. And now all of those things were one big, messy knot that needed to be untangled before Jax and I could move forward.
My hand grabbed for a notebook and a pen, and I took a deep breath before I started scrawling things down on the paper. I didn’t think about what I was writing or worry about anyone seeing it. I just word vomited everything I could think of that would help make this better.
After a couple of minutes, I read back through and already felt a settling in my brain.
I needed structure.
I needed control.
And I needed everyone to shut the hell up and listen to me before they jumped to conclusions and over-the-top reactions that we were already known for. The fact that this town had survived us for so many years was honestly one of its best features.
Me: Sorry, I took a feelings nap.
Me: This is what’s going to happen, and it’s not up for discussion, okay?
