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The rest of thenight passed in a blur. The music seemed to get louder and thepeople right along with it. Jenna had joined us again as we tookshot after shot of cheap tequila. The beer in my hand wasconstantly being drained until it turned into strong mixed drinks.The thick haze of marijuana smoke clung to the air. Jason and I saton the couch and passed the joint back and forth in-between drinks.I lost track of the number of drinks I had consumed at some pointbut didn’t care. I was floating on cloud nine.
Until I wasn’t.
My memory of thatnight gets a little shoddy after that. At one point I was on thecouch between Jason and Jenna, the next I was in the middle of thedance floor surrounded by sweaty bodies. All of us writhing againstone another in alcohol and drug-induced ecstasy. Looking to myleft, two girls from my civics class were making out. To my right,a couple of frat guys drinking out of one of those funnel things. Iremember holding my hands above my head with a half-empty cup, hipsswaying to the thumping music.
Hands snaked aroundmy middle, pulling me back to a hard body. Eyes closed, I let myinhibitions free as I leaned back into strong arms. A hand crept upmy body until they were grabbing my drink and pressing theremainder to my lips, helping me tilt my head back to ingest thecontents. Hooded baby blue eyes watched my throat work as Iswallowed the last gulp. Somehow Jason ended up in front of me withhis hands cupping my behind.
That wasn’t right. Itried to weakly push his hands away but he held firm.
“I told you…” myslurred voice trailed off. My tongue felt so thick in my mouth itwas hard to talk.
“You don’t know howbadly I want you,” Jason murmured before he brought his lips tomine with brutal force.
I tried to push hischest away from me but fell short. I couldn’t get my arms to workthe way they were supposed to. Everything was so blurry. One minutehe was shoving his tongue in my mouth, the next he had me in frontof him at the top of the stairs, pushing me along. How did I get uphere?
I tried to turn theother way but he grabbed my waist and herded me along. He held metight to his front as he opened a door. He pushed and pulled untilhe had me behind a door, then he locked it.
“What’rey—” I slurred. Why couldn’t I talk? I knowI had a lot to drink but something was off. This wasn’t normal.
Jason grabbed me andcrushed me to his body. It felt as though his hands were everywhereat once, roughly grabbing my breasts and my ass. He tried to liftmy dress and I tried to get my arms to work. I grabbed for hishands, halting them before he touched my panties.
“Jason, stop,” Ifinally managed.
I was so woozy andthe room wouldn’t stop spinning. He pulled back long enough to lookdown at me with a frigid gaze. I felt the cold stab of fear hit mein the gut as I saw the look in his eyes. I fumbled trying to getmy hands off his arms. Forcing my feet to work, I took a wobblystep toward the locked door. Jason hauled me back to him in a roughjerk, bruising my arms with his big hands.
“You should bepassed out by now. That fucker sold me some weak shit,” hesnarled.
My heart rate pickedup as panic laced its way through my blood. I opened my mouth toshout for help. Before I could draw in a breath, Jason slapped hishand over my lips so hard it rattled my teeth.
“Shut your fuckingmouth!” he hissed in my ear. All I could manage was a strangledwhimper as he pushed me and my world spun out of control.
My back hit a lumpymattress with a dizzying force before my body stilled. Nausea roseas the smell of musty sheets assaulted my senses. I willed my bodyto move. Nothing was working as it should. I was to the point whereI couldn’t even move my arms anymore.
I was a prisonerinside my own body. I could feel the cold air spreading across mylower belly. My dress had ridden up, exposing me. I couldn’t evenpull it back down to cover myself from his lustful eyes. All Icould do was look up at my attacker as he stripped off his shirtwhile he leered at me. My breathing was so fast that I was afraidI’d pass out. He unbuckled his belt with clumsy fingers as hewatched me. Need plain in his expression.
“You have no ideahow long I’ve wanted to do this,” he murmured almost as though hewas talking to himself.
I whined again as heshoved his jeans off his hips, his erection coming into view. Iwilled my lips to work.
“Please, don’t,” Imanaged with slurred speech. Whatever drug he had used on me hadtaken full effect now as my vision faded in and out.
He was descending ontop of me one moment and the next he had my dress shoved up to myneck. Hot pain bloomed as he roughly pinched my naked flesh withfast, hurried motions. I heard a tear as he ripped my panties frommy body. Tears streamed down the sides of my face as he fumbledwith my most intimate area.
I must have whined alittle too loud when he forced himself inside of me. My body wasnot ready for sex, but he didn’t care. He used one hand to cover mymouth and the other to hold my arms above my head, as if I coulduse them to fight back anyway. His big hand covering my mouth wasblocking most of my nose so I could hardly breathe as he invadedme. I could hear the screams in my head that I wasn’t able tovocalize. I squeezed my eyes shut as agony ripped from my core.
All I could do waslay there and cry as he did what he wanted to my body. I was abystander to my own assault. There was no gentleness in hismovements or his eyes as he looked down at me with a harsh gaze. Itfelt like hours as I lay there taking his cruel punishment. All thewhile he murmured things to me, demeaning things I couldn’t defendmyself against.
He called me his“dirty little whore” and kept telling me I loved what he was givingme. That nobody else would ever fuck me the way he could. I was acock tease and was finally getting what I’d asked for.
I took it all,recoiling inside myself, just waiting for it to be over. Finally,his damaging thrusts became erratic and he grunted his release. Heremoved his hands from me and I gasped for air, my head rolling tothe side. He pulled out of me, leaving a sharp ache behind. I stillcouldn’t move as he stood and dressed in front of me. I could feelbile burning my throat before I wretched all over the pillow undermy cheek.
“Fuck! All over mybed! Goddamnit, Jill!” he yelled as he looked down at my used bodyin disgust.
I had never trulyhated someone until that moment. I could feel myself practicallyvibrate with rage. He had the arrogance to be disgusted after hejust raped me. I didn’t doubt that it was rape. Even If I haddressed in a short dress and drank excessively, that didn’t givehim the right to fuck me without consent.
“I’m glad you waiteduntil we were done to do that.” He smirked at me. “You should sleepit off for the night. I’ll take you home in the morning. You canhave the room. I gotta go tell the boys I finally got into JillBrookes’s panties. They bet me it would never happen, but I havethese”—he held up my rippedpanties—”as proof. Daddy’s about to getpaid!” His voice faded as he exited the room.
And that’s how heleft me. He didn’t even bother to pull my dress back down. I laythere covered in my own vomit, naked, bruised, and broken. It wastwo hours before I regained the use of my extremities again.Another hour before I could stand and make it to the door. Thehouse was quiet as I stumbled down the stairs. The soft threads ofearly morning light seeped through the windows. Sleeping bodieslittered the random furniture around the main floor. I didn’t seeJason as I left the house. Somehow I made it back to my dorm whereI called Kate. She found me crouched in my bathroom, sobbing myeyes out. She sat with me, two-year-old Lindsey on her hip until Icould stomach going to the hospital.
