AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Is there something I’m missing? Some other fact that drove her decision?
All these years I fought to keep from feeling this exact pain, and here I am, feeling it anyway. The minute I let my guard down and dare to think that maybe I really can have that kind of love and happiness without paying a huge price in the end, it proves me right.
That kind of love is not meant for me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Baja—
I lock myself in my house for two days, all the shades drawn, barely able to do more than drag myself from bed to take a piss, before returning to it and sinking into the deep abyss that has sucked me under.
Nothing matters anymore… maybe not even the club.
My phone buzzes on the nightstand, and I lift my head to stare at it. I’ve hoped a hundred times that it’s Elaina, only to find another text or call from one of my brothers.
Still, my hope surges again, and I reach for it.
TREZ: Enough, bro. We’re coming over to drag you out of your house.
I drop the phone on the nightstand, and with a groan, I bury my face in the pillow. I barely have the energy to climb from the bed, but I know what he texted me is a fact, not a threat. I don’t want to face any of them or hear the I-told-you-so’s; I’ve got to get out of here.
Dragging myself up, I pull on jeans, boots, shirt and cut, grab my keys, and head out to my bike. I roar off down the street, and the wind in my face shakes some of the melancholy. I ride for a long time and finally pull to a stop.
Like a man coming out of a trance, I find myself at the cemetery. I drop my kickstand, not even remembering the ride up here. I walk toward Hannah’s and Sophie’s grave.
Shoving my hands in my pockets, I stare at the marker.
“Sweetheart, I know I’ve said I was sorry a million times, and none of that makes this any better, but I hope you don’t blame me. I hope you have our daughter in your arms to comfort you. Hannah, I never meant for my life to destroy yours.”
For the hundredth time in the last twenty-four hours, I think about eating a bullet. I’m not a coward. I know that down to my bones. I’m just tired of it all. Tired of trying to pretend what I have is enough. It’s not. But I feel trapped with no way forward that leads to happiness. I was lucky to have Hannah. I never thought lightning would strike twice, but it did.
But I know it won’t strike a third time.
So, what’s the point of going on?
I sit cross-legged on the grass and try to wrangle the courage to take my pistol out and put it to my temple.
The birds chirp, and the breeze blows.
It’s a nice, quiet place. Maybe it’s the perfect place.
I get lost in my thoughts, Elaina’s face pushing Hannah’s aside. Her laugh when I’d tickle her, the look in her eyes when I brought her to orgasm, the way her gaze would soften when I told her she was beautiful.
I don’t know how long I sit there, staring into space.
A shadow falls across me, and I look up to find Trez, Rock, and Darko.
“What are you doing here?” I ask quietly.
Trez holds his arm out and drops the gloves in his hand against his chaps. They’re in full leather. It’s only then I realize how cold it is. It’s only then I realize the grass is brown, and the leaves are almost gone from the trees.
I blink; in my mind’s eye, a moment ago, the grass was green, the trees full of leaves, and spring flowers blooming. Am I losing my mind?
“You okay, brother?” Rock asks.
I nod and immediately realize I’ve lied to my president. Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore.
I stare up at Trez. “How’d you find me?”
