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His father dropped his head, looking at the dining room table. Jay watched, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Would he yell? Tell Jahleel it was all in his head?Lord, please, help us get the truth out. I’m tired of feeling less-than, and it all started with him.
“Son, I was never holding a measuring stick.”
“Really? Because you’ve told me Walkers are always preachers. Walkers respect the Lord. Walkers wouldn’t sell their soul to play football. If that’s not a measuring stick, I don’t know what is.”
His father’s Adam’s apple bobbed. “You’re right. I said those things.”
“And you believed them?” Jahleel made it a question even though his heart knew the answer. Still, he was trying.
“Yes, I did believe them.”
“Did?” His brows rose. “What changed? And if you changed your mind, then why no word from you?”
“You could have always called us.”
“How was I supposed to know you wanted any communication with me when you’re the one who kicked me out and told me never to return?”
His father sighed. “The moment your mother told me she was pregnant, I was elated.” He looked Jay square in the eye. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t dream of plansfor you and me. From studying the Word together to going fishing, teaching you how to sail. If a man ever had a moment of hopes and wishes for his future son, I had them too.”
“So what happened? Because all I remember from you was condemnation. Even when I showed up here injured, you were still throwing shade my way, as if it were my own fault I blew out my knee.”
“Your mother sat me down.” His father paused. “Were you aware she had pneumonia?”
Jahleel nodded. “Bebe told me. It would’ve been nice to know at the time of her illness.”
“I refused to call you, and she was too sick to do so.”
The words felt like a blow to the gut. Nevertheless, he motioned for his father to continue.
“I honestly thought it would take her life. I’ve never prayed so hard, and God answered. She turned the corner for the better and was home a week later. When she came home, she sat me down. Told me I’d let stuff in my past harden my heart.”
ThatJay could believe one hundred percent. But what stuff in his father’s past had embittered him?
“At first I didn’t want to hear what she had to say. But after that, I started hearing conversations around the church. Not because I was purposely eavesdropping, but I’m a quiet walker.”
That was true. Jahleel could never sneak up on his father, but Obadiah Walker made it his life duty to do so to others.
“There were comments about me being a difficult man to please and that I was a fire-and-brimstone type of preacher.”
“Is that not who you want to be? Or who you thought you were?” Jay asked.
“No. I love the Lord with all my heart, but I grew up with a man who believed in not sparing the rod, and I don’t mean he disciplined me with a right mindset. I was beat.”
Jay’s mouth dried.
“I promised never to lay a hand on my son, but I think not coming to grips with my childhood tainted my mindset anyway. I beat you with my words, and I...” His father swallowed, his eyes looking glassy. “I’m sorry. I’m trying. Your mother has been calling me out on it more and more. She even apologized for being an enabler and not saying something sooner.”
Jahleel blinked. He’d never considered his mother an enabler, but maybe when he was a child, he’d wished she would speak up for him. “I’m sorry you went through that. I didn’t know.”
“I would’ve never been comfortable sharing before now,” his dad admitted.
“So why now?”
“I want to fix the rift I created.”
“I’ve been praying for an olive branch,” Jahleel admitted.
“So have I.” His father’s mouth ticked up a tiny bit at the corner. “I’m sorry, son.”
