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"And the blackmail rumor?"
Ryan proved that he'd been the right choice for this job. "I think we can find other things to talk about, can't we? No one in the midst of a divorce wants their dirty laundry aired. Not even America's sweetheart," he said in a way that was both sweet and threatening at once. Maybe he was a better actor than I'd given him credit for.
"Right," Alison said, and she smiled back, clearly ready to move on.
I bumped Ryan's shoulder in thanks, relief washing through me.
Alison went on with her questions, sticking to recent films and upcoming plans, and I felt the room chill noticeably when Chad took Jace's place by the door and Jace disappeared, heading for the kitchen. I managed to stay where I was, but I had to actively restrain myself from following him. I needed to talk to him, find out if maybe he just hadn't seen the messages I'd sent. Or learn if there was something else going on.
The few times I'd met his eyes over the reporter's, they'd seemed sad, haunted, even. But Jace's eyes were always dark and expressive. Maybe I was misreading things. Maybe everything was fine.
But I had a creeping suspicion that everything was not fine.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jace
Iwatched Juliet and Ryan answer questions for the magazine and take photos all morning, feeling sick in a way I never had before.
McDonnell's hands were all over the woman I'd begun to think of as mine, and the way he touched her was so easy, so possessive, even I was believing they were a couple. And that, combined with Juliet's texts about Hollybrook, was turning my stomach and tunneling my vision in a way that darkened everything I looked at. The gorgeous blue-skied Maryland day, the greenery leaning over the shore of the river, even Juliet, who always reminded me of light and air—it was all tinged with blackness as the ichor inside me tainted my world.
The photo shoot would have been hard enough to handle on its own. The reporter had them rolling on the lawn together, her hair falling down around his shoulders as she straddled him and leaned down over him, giving me flashbacks to times when that hair had tickled my skin, brushed my cheeks as I buried myself inside her. They posed near the river, next to the house, with Gran and Tess (Gran complaining the whole time), and just the two of them.
And fuck, if Juliet wasn't a good actress. Part of me wondered if there really might be something going on with them, but I quashed it as quickly as it had been born. For all the things I was already questioning—my masculinity, my ability to be an independent adult in a world that revolved so completely around resources I didn't have—I wasn't questioning Juliet's loyalty. And I knew she wasn't with McDonnell, no matter how convincing the act.
But maybe she should be.
As the morning wore on and I stood near the back porch keeping an eye on things, my mother's smiling face kept sweeping through my consciousness. How different she looked in the cottage in Brentwood, how much more relaxed and happy. Juliet had given her that. She'd given her a safe place to live, a place where she could relax and garden, and live the life she deserved. Juliet had made sure she'd seen a doctor. And now Juliet was busy saving my brother too. And it was all nothing to her.
So how could I explain that those actions, actions that were easy for her, things she could control because of her wealth, they were impossible for me? And having them handled so easily, as easily as sweeping some dust off the table top or picking up a gallon of milk, it made my entire life feel petty and small. I couldn't begin to dream of setting the people I loved up the way she had. She'd been able to manage everything simply because she decided to. Things I would have spent the rest of my life trying to find the resources to make happen.
How was I supposed to reconcile my ego and my pride with the fact that I'd never be able to take care of my family that way? And how could I ever hope to take care of a woman like Juliet?
I wasn't sure I could.
I'd spent the whole night looking for some alternative to Hollybrook for Jarred. I'd talked to the hospital staff, worn tracks all over the internet trying to find some other way, something I could pay for, but it didn't exist. There was nothing I could find that would offer the same immediate care, at the same level of quality. I just didn't have the money to make it happen. And I hated myself for it.
The only option I could come up with was to take two weeks off work and be Jarred’s babysitter until the spot opened up at the state-run facility. But as Mom had intimated, that wasn’t a sure thing. They might have a place for him. It depended on lots of factors, evidently. Hollybrook was a sure thing. If you had the cash, at least.
In the meantime, Chad was getting on my nerves and I was close to clocking the guy. He'd been giving me creepy grins all morning and I kept replaying the way he'd asked me the night before if I was getting involved with the boss. I didn't like him, but I also didn't think he was an idiot. It was only a matter of time before he decided to talk to Austin, and then I was surely going to lose my job. And now that I’d spent my savings on Jarred’s bail? There wasn't much hope to hold out for ahead.
But maybe it didn't matter—I wasn't sure anything else would be happening between Juliet and me. How could I ever hold my head up, knowing I needed her to take care of me?
I was a fucking Marine.
And I couldn't take care of my family.
The magazine people finally left,and lunch was served on the porch. Ryan and Tess were leaving the property, and while I didn't think it was a good idea for him to be off running around Maryland, I also didn't work for him. If Juliet was here, the team stayed here. But Chad and I had a few hours off the clock, and I had a lot of thinking to do.
I'd flopped back on my bed and had begun a serious study of the plaster ceiling when a knock came at my door.
"Jace?" Juliet's voice was on the other side. I hated the excitement that glowed in me at the sound of her voice. I’d been avoiding her all day, I should have just continued. But that wasn’t the mature thing to do. I needed to face my problems.
I was on my feet, opening the door, before I thought better of it. She came inside and I closed the door behind her, hoping Chad wasn't around. "Did anyone see you?"
She shook her head. "No, I checked to make sure no one was around." Juliet gazed at me for a long second, but when I made no move to get closer, she let out a long breath and then turned, looking around the room before finally settling on the end of the bed. "Is everything okay?"
I didn't trust myself. If I went on instinct, we'd already be in the bed, my body seeking the same intoxicating comfort I'd found with her the night before—and all the nights back at her house in Los Angeles. But I couldn't let that happen now. I sat in a chair in the corner of the room, and kept my eyes away from the puzzled look that appeared on Juliet's face.
