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TWENTY-FOUR
KILLIAN
Last night was a fucking waste of time. Sleep never found me as I tossed and turned in my cold sheets all night long. Ander was snoring peacefully, like a goddamn baby. I don’t know his story, nor do I fully care, but at least his life isn’t in fucking shambles right now.
I don’t know a single thing about his relationship, but I know that he’s not in the same predicament as Ainsley and I. Or should I say as we were. There’s nothing between us now. Nothing but rubble and fucking shrapnel.
Ainsley will get over it with time. She’ll get over me and she’ll move on in life. All I ever wanted was for her to stop taking advantage of everything that she had in life. Life handed her a second fucking chance and I know that she’s not stupid enough to blow that. Especially not over someone else.
With time and distance, she’ll come to her senses. She’ll see clearer without me there to blur her vision. I don’t know what life looks like for me after this is over. All that I could ever see was Ainsley, even when I was looking at life through my anger. She was the only thing that really mattered and I’m doing this for her. To save her from myself.
I’m out of bed, packed and completely ready to go before Ander wakes up from his beauty sleep. Sitting on the edge of my bed, I stare down at my hands, twirling my fingers impatiently as he slowly gets up.
“Do you ever sleep?” he asks as he wipes his own from his eyes. “I swear, I’ve only seen you sleep like twice since I got here.”
I shrug, grunting in response. I could be less of an asshole to him. I should be excited that we’re getting out of here, but I’m not. Ander doesn’t know the internal shit that I’m dealing with right now and it’s better if I don’t confide in him.
I’ll just be an asshole instead.
Ander climbs out of bed, ignoring my shitty attitude as he goes into the bathroom to get ready. One of the nurses pops her head into the room, letting us know that it’s time for breakfast. My last fucking breakfast here. Too bad I don’t have anything that comes close to resembling an appetite right now.
I slip out of the room and wander aimlessly down the hall. It’s my last time in this place and there’s a weird anxious feeling that comes with thinking about leaving it all behind. Maybe it’s because I know that there really isn’t a chance of seeing Ainsley again after I step through those doors.
“Killian.” Nolan’s deep voice breaks through my thoughts as he stands at the end of the hallway. “Can we have a little chat before you leave?”
I lift my head, narrowing my eyes at him. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Well, that’s a shame, because I think that you’d like to hear what I have to say to you.”
I stare at him, feeling the ice settling in my soul as I glare at him. I would be lying if I said that there wasn’t a part of me that was curious in hearing what he could possibly have to say to me. “Say it then.”
“In my office.”
He walks past me, heading in the direction of his office and like an obedient fucking dog, I follow after him. As I step into his office, he closes the door behind me. “I want to talk to you about Ainsley.”
“What about her?”
“I heard everything that you said to her last night in the gardens.”
My face contorts as I cut my eyes at him. “How the fu—”
He raises his hand as he interjects. “There’re cameras out there. The cameras all have audio just in case that there is something said that could be something that we need to hear.”
I snort. “Well, I hope you enjoyed the fucking show. You know, since you were the hands controlling the puppets, essentially.”
“She wasn’t wrong, Killian,” Nolan says, ignoring my comment. “You are good, Killian. I know that you think that there’s something gravely wrong with you. That you’re a piece of trash. Like you don’t deserve her or anything good in life, but I want you to know that you are wrong.”
“I’m sorry. Did I ask for your fucking opinion?” I sneer, curling my hands into fists by my side. He struck a nerve and judging by the way that his eye twitches as he maintains eye contact, he knows it.
“I didn’t realize that you struggled with these types of thoughts.” He pauses, tucking his hands into the front pockets of his trousers like he always does. “You have come so far from when you first came here. I know that none of this has been easy, especially what happened last night, but I hope that you understand where I am coming from. The position that it put me in with that knowledge.”
“Was it really necessary?” I question him, raising an eyebrow. “Did you really have to force my hand into breaking her heart like that?”
“We’re not here to talk about her feelings. I want to talk about yours because I know that that wasn’t easy for you either. I know that you’re burying the pain deep inside under all of the anger that you’re projecting right now. And I don’t blame you. Honestly, I probably deserve it. But if you can’t see that you have a lot of work to do still—work that doesn’t involve her—then I’ve done a really shitty job with you.”
I swallow roughly and slowly uncurl my fists. “And she’s a distraction, right?”
Nolan nods. “I’m not saying that the two of you can’t ever be together, but take a look deep inside, Killian. If you think so little of yourself, how are you going to ever accept love from someone else?”
