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I can’t believe this. Actually, that’s just a lie that I’m telling myself right now. This was inevitable. We were dancing in the fucking flames and now we’re melting in the fire. There’s no way that we get out of this together unscathed. This is the story of my life. Nothing ever works out and everyone always leaves in the end.
“I’m not going anywhere,” she murmurs as she buries her face in my chest. “This doesn’t change anything between us. We just can’t have any contact for a little while.”
I snort. “Three months is a little fucking longer than a little while.”
Ainsley pulls back, tilting her head back as she stares up at me. Her brown eyes glisten under the moonlight and her bottom lip quivers as she struggles to contain her emotions. “We’ll be together when you get out, okay? I’ll wait for you.”
My lips curl upward into a small sad smile as my face dips down to hers. I capture her lips with mine, kissing her slowly, swallowing her pain. I steal the air from her lungs, leaving her breathless as I abruptly pull away from her. I can’t do this to her… Ainsley deserves more from life than I can give her. “I don’t want you to wait for me.”
Her eyebrows pinch together. “What?”
“Live your life, baby girl,” I whisper, cupping the sides of her face as I catch her tears with the pads of my thumbs. “It’s time for you to stop letting me hold you back.”
“Stop it, Killian.” Tears stream down her cheeks as her eyes desperately search mine. “You take that back. You don’t hold me back from anything.”
I take a deep breath, shaking my head at her. I won’t take it back because I’m done holding in the truth. She doesn’t deserve any lies from me. Ever since I came into her life, I turned everything upside down, over and over again. This is her time to shine without me. She hangs heavily in my sky like the moon above us.
Let her be the moon and I’ll be the night.
“Killian,” she whispers, the pain oozing from her voice as she lets the tears fall freely. “Please, don’t do this.”
“I have to, baby,” I tell her honestly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “I’ve done enough damage to you and your life. You deserve to have something good and I refuse to be your downfall.”
“You are good,” she insists, shaking her head at me. She’s not willing to accept and time is running out.
Pain washes over me and I give her a sad smile. “Not good enough.”
Ainsley’s body shakes as a sob tears through her. “You are. You are. Please, just don’t do this to me.”
Leaning forward, I press my lips softly to her forehead. “It’s time, baby girl. You need to go.”
She shakes her head again, driving both of her palms into my chest as she shoves me away. Her movements catch me off guard, throwing me off balance as I take a step backward. She lifts her hand and the sound rings in my ears as she slaps me across the face. “Fuck you, Killian.” Her voice is low and hoarse. “I’m not going anywhere. Not like this.”
A soft chuckle rumbles in my chest. She’s always so fucking stubborn, but she’s not amused whatsoever. “Don’t you dare wait for me, Ainsley Sinclair. But if you’re around after I get discharged, come find me.”
Ainsley narrows her eyes at me, blinking as the tears continue to fall. There’s already distance between us and it feels like we’re oceans away from each other as she stares into my eyes right now.
“Why the sad face, baby girl?”
She frowns, shaking her head. “Because it’s really over.”
“It is.” I smile, giving her a small shrug. “At least we can say it was beautiful though, right?”
“A beautiful mess,” she murmurs, her eyes shining back at me.
There’s nothing more accurate than those two words to describe us. I used to think that we were a disaster and even though we were never destined to have a happily ever after, there was so much beauty in the fucking mess that we were together.
“Run along, my beautiful mess,” I tell her quietly, nodding back toward the massive building on the other side of the gardens. “The clock is ticking.”
Her jaw clenches and she hesitates. She’s struggling with walking away right now and if she doesn’t, I will carry her ass inside here and hand deliver her back to Nolan. I won’t be the reason for another fuck up in her life.
Ainsley releases a shaky breath, giving me a curt nod as she spins on her heel. I watch her as she disappears into the maze of hedges and I’m thankful that she didn’t once look back. It was breaking my heart, seeing her heart shatter again by my hand.
This is the last time.
It has to be.
I don’t know that either of us will survive through us shattering each other’s hearts again.
