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My phone continues to vibrate in my hand as I stare down at the screen, my brow furrowing. In bright white, bold letters, Better Daze shows on the screen with the main number underneath it. Unwarranted panic chases away my anger. I know that I did everything that I needed to do before I left today. There’s no reason that anyone should be calling me unless something bad happened there after I left.
I slowly slide the bar over on the screen, answering the call as my stomach sinks. Nausea rolls in the pit of my stomach as I lift the phone up to my ear. “Hello?”
There’s a pregnant pause and I hear the sharp intake of someone’s breath. I swallow hard, trying to calm my nerves as the silence fills my ear.
“Hello? Is anyone there?”
Maybe it was an accidental call. Every different department, office and nurses’ station in the building has a phone. Someone must have called my number by mistake. I take a deep breath, moving my hand as I’m about to end the call when I hear his voice.
“Ainsley, baby.”
The air leaves my lungs in a rush and my heart flutters, skipping a beat in my chest. “Killian?” I whisper into the speaker, slightly confused that he’s on the other end of the phone, but the feels that he ignites inside me replaces any negativity that was consuming me.
“Fuck. You don’t know what it does to me, just being able to hear your voice whenever I want to, whenever I need to.” His voice slides over my eardrum like the silk pillowcase that was pressed against my face. “It’s not the same as having you right here in front of me, but it’s enough for now. I’ll take whatever I can get. Just knowing that all I have to do is pick up the phone and I can hear your voice is enough to get me through the day.”
“How did you get my phone number?” I ask him, my voice barely above a whisper. I don’t know if the phone lines are monitored or not. It’s not like it’s a prison there, but trust can only be extended so far to an addict that’s in treatment, still struggling with the force of their demons pulling on their frayed seams.
Killian’s low chuckle fills the speaker. “I have my ways.”
“Did you ask someone for it?” My voice jumps an octave or two as the anxiety decides to kick in again. “Killian, no one can know about us.”
“I’m not fucking stupid.” The irritation is clear in his voice and I imagine him rolling his green eyes. “Nolan had to step out of the room today during our session. It didn’t take long to go through his little Rolodex to find your number.”
“He has one of those?” The thought comes from my mouth without even getting the chance to bite my tongue. It’s a dumbass question, considering the situation that we’re in, but it breaks the tension and eases my anxiety.
“I know.” Killian laughs lightly again and a smile tugs on the corners of my lips. The sound is dark and sinister, but it’s a haunting melody to my soul. “I was thinking the same thing, considering that he’s really not that old and that definitely seems like an old man move.”
I laugh along with him, feeling the euphoria spreading throughout me. “It seems like you like him, like your sessions with him are really working for you.”
Killian’s silent for a beat. “I guess. It’s not like I’m going to wine and dine him or some shit. He’s just a means to the end, but he’s cool enough that it’s not as painful as I thought it would be.”
“Good.” I smile, dropping onto my back as I stare up at the ceiling. “How was the rest of your day?”
“I didn’t call you to talk about myself, baby girl. Tell me about your day. You rushed away after dropping off my new phone and then I didn’t see you again.” I don’t miss the pain in his voice as his tone drops lower. “I was kind of hoping that you would have stopped back in before you left again.”
My jaw tics and I close my eyes as I suck in a deep breath. “It’s too risky, Killian. I don’t think that we should keep doing this, especially when you have so much riding on you being at Better Daze right now.”
“Fuck that,” he growls, his voice quiet and deep. “I’m done living my life without you in it, Ainsley. I don’t fucking care what’s riding on anything unless it’s you riding my cock.”
A warmth spreads through my stomach and I clench my thighs as my pussy tingles, just from his goddamn words. I feel the heat creeping up my neck and spreading across my face. “We could get caught. We could ruin everything that we’ve been working so hard for.”
“We’ve already ruined everything, baby girl,” he murmurs into the phone. His voice snakes around my eardrum, reaching down into the shattered parts of my soul. “Let them fucking catch us.”
My breath catches in my throat. My heart pounds erratically in its cage.
“Don’t do this, Ainsley.” There’s desperation in his voice and it breaks my heart. “I’m not above begging.”
And just like that, my walls crumble. Saying no to Killian isn’t something that I’m capable of. He’s my kryptonite. He’s the one thing that can sway any decision I’ve already made. “You don’t have to beg,” I tell him, fully surrendering myself to our ruin. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“Good girl,” he murmurs, his silky voice tingling my insides. “If we get caught, I’ll take the fall. It would never be you. I would never compromise you, you understand?”
“You’ve already taken the fall and done more than you should have in the past,” I remind him. “I can’t let you do that again. We’re both responsible for whatever happens. It doesn’t fall just on you.”
Killian clicks his tongue. “No deal, baby girl. I need to hear you tell me that you understand. If shit goes south, I take the fall. End of story.”
I swallow hard over the emotion that is thick in my throat and nod, even though he can’t see me. “I don’t like it, but okay.”
There’s no arguing with Killian when he has his mind made up, especially over something like this. We’re a complete contradiction. What we have is toxic. We’re so fucking toxic, but at the same time, we are each other’s elixir.
