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“Don’t do this, Ainsley. It might make you feel better temporarily, but it’s only going to get worse.” I pause, glancing at the lines she already has cut on the dirty counter. “Let me take you to the hospital where they can help you.”
Ainsley rips her arm from my grip. “I don’t want fucking help. This is what I want, this is what I need. Please, I’m begging you. As soon as I feel better, we can talk about this.”
I swallow hard, my jaw clenching as I stare down at her. I’m doing exactly what I said I wouldn’t. Inhaling deeply, I grab the rolled-up dollar bill from her. Ainsley cuts her eyes at me, opening her mouth as a string of swear words roll off her tongue. Ignoring her nails as they scrape at my shoulder to try and get the tooter back from me, I lift it up to my nostril and bend over.
The room falls silent as Ainsley removes her claws from my skin. Positioning the bill at one of the lines, I run it along the countertop as I inhale the dope, breathing it in. It burns like a motherfucker, but it’s just like I remembered it. I was never addicted, but fuck me for looking forward to the high.
I stand upright, feeling a slow smile curling onto my lips as I hand the rolled-up bill to Ainsley. She silently thanks me, before leaning over and inhaling the poison like I did. This is wrong. So. Fucking. Wrong.
If I’m going to let her go off the deep end, I’m going with her.
THREE
AINSLEY
Killian adjusts on the pull-out couch in Grace’s apartment, rolling onto his side to face me. He reaches for me, his movements delayed from the heroin. “We should talk about what happens next. I can’t let you go down this road, baby girl.”
Those are the only words that Killian has spoken to me since we walked out of the bathroom. Grace was kind enough to have the bed already made for us and Killian quietly thanked her before she disappeared into her bedroom for the night. I knew that this was coming. I promised him that we would talk about me getting help, but this conversation is going to kill my high.
“It’s too late.” I can’t turn back now, not after experiencing the euphoric bliss. It’s a high like nothing I’ve ever had before and I’m not ready to let go of it yet.
His palm warms my skin as he cups the side of my face, lightly rubbing his thumb against my cheek. “It’s never too late, but that’s your choice. I won’t push you, but I’m not going to enable you.”
“So, what do you call what happened in the bathroom then?”
“That wasn’t me enabling you, Ainsley. That was me joining you.” Killian’s green eyes glimmer as his pinpoint pupils sink deeper into his irises. The corner of his lips curl upward into an unapologetic smirk. “The road to rock bottom is lonely as hell. Thought you might need some company.”
My heart flutters in my chest and it’s completely fucked up. I don’t want Killian to turn into an addict, but I’m selfish as hell. I don’t want to be alone. After knowing what life is like with Killian in it, I don’t want to go back to how it was before him. He wants to destroy his life with me.
I won’t let it get that far, but for tonight, I’ll revel in the sentiment and let his words soothe my soul. I know Killian well enough to know that he won’t bother trying to save himself, especially when he doesn’t think that he’s worth saving.
I’ll save him before it’s too late and then I’ll let myself go.
I move closer to Killian, his hands finding their way to my waist as I move into his space. He pulls me flush against him, his hard cock pressing against my stomach. I feel his breath mixing with mine as we’re lying with our noses just barely touching. “We can’t keep doing this, baby girl,” he whispers, his lips brushing against mine.
“I promise that I’ll stop,” I whisper, lying straight through my teeth. I know that the only way to get past this is to tell him what he wants to hear. To use my body as a distraction, to get his mind off of the shit that he really wants to talk about. I’m not using him at all, because I want him as badly as I do every time.
His lips part with words on his tongue, but I press my lips against his, silencing him. He responds instantly, brushing my lips as he wastes no time, kissing me deeply. His tongue swipes my bottom lip and they part, letting him inside. He breathes me in, draining my lungs as he steals the oxygen from my body. And I give it all to him, willingly.
I want him to take the pain away. All of the pain that I feel inside that consumes me. It’s what I’ve always been trying to escape but never have been able to verbally express. I know that he can’t take it away, but he can help silence the demons inside. He can’t feed them. They don’t crave his love, they crave something even more poisonous. But he has a way of chasing them away, even if they’re only hiding for a small amount of time.
They always resurface, but with Killian, I feel like I can actually face them. Like I don’t have to entertain them. Like I don’t need the drugs to deal with them. It’s all a lie though. I’m never actually sober enough to try and face them with just Killian. There’s always a trace of some type of drug in my system. That’s what it always comes down to.
But for right now, in this moment, the only thing that matters is Killian. Killian and the deep connection that we have.
“You’re so fucking tangled up in my soul, baby,” he murmurs as he pulls away, nipping at my bottom lip. “This will never be over.”
I stare back at him, my eyes searching his as his words sink into my bones. The way that the green hues swirl in his irises, I know that he means everything that he says. I know the look that he gets when he is lying, when everything that he’s saying is a mirage. This isn’t that look.
This boy fucking loves me and nothing will stop me from loving him back.
I push away from him, slowly sitting up as I peel my shirt off and toss it onto the floor. Killian’s eyes scan my naked chest in admiration. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before, but every time, he looks at me like he’s staring at the most beautiful piece of artwork for the very first time. He follows my lead, ripping off his shirt and throwing it over with mine.
We both move, quickly discarding our pants and underwear, throwing them onto the floor with the rest of our clothes that we tossed away. I barely get a breath out when Killian is on me, pulling me onto him as our mouths collide. He consumes me, swallowing me whole as his hands roam across my body.
He drags his fingertips across my chest, drawing my nipples in between his fingers. Pinching and pulling, he tugs on them, swallowing my moans as he kisses me deeper. I move against him, my hips grinding into his as his dick presses harder against me. His hands slide down to my hips and he grabs me, quickly flipping me over.
Killian rolls me onto my back, moving with me as he hovers above me. He nudges my knees apart with his and settles in between my thighs. He starts at my throat, his mouth tasting every inch of my skin as he moves back down to my chest. One by one, he draws my nipples into his mouth, sucking on them, before clamping down with his teeth.
