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I knew what his love felt like before this, but our connection is so deep, there’s nothing that could ever sever the thread that holds us together.
I never want to know what love feels like without Killian.
I never want to come down from this high.
TWELVE
KILLIAN
The floorboards creak under my feet as I shift my weight and lean against the doorframe. I hover just inside the door, staring into our bedroom as my eyes land on Ainsley. It’s been a few days since we moved into Linc’s spare room. Our living situation improved, but overall, things haven’t gotten any better.
I catch sight of a lock of her bright blonde hair peeking out of the covers, shimmering as a ray of sunshine hits it. I’ve been peeling open the blackout curtains every morning when I leave to try and help her.
Ainsley’s depression is even worse.
She barely leaves this room and stays in the exact same spot that she is in now.
I don’t feel like it’s my place to tell her what she should or shouldn’t be doing with her life or what she should be doing with her time while I’m working. But this isn’t fucking it. She’s withering away, only feeding her body the poison that it craves. She’s lost a significant amount of weight in the past few weeks since we left her house.
I’m at a complete and total loss here. Ainsley was slowly killing herself before, but now it seems like she’s just sped up the process. I’ve never seen her so down and so low like she has been these past few days. After we first moved in here, I noticed that the shift in her mood didn’t change for the better. We still whispered sweet nothings into the darkness as I carved my initials into her soul. That night we were riding on a high of heroin, mixed with the euphoria of this new chapter in our journey.
It didn’t last long. It had faded by the time the sun rose the very next morning. When I left to go to work, Ainsley didn’t budge. I assumed that she was just exhausted, so I placed a hasty kiss on her temple and left for the day. When I got home, she was in the same exact spot. She didn’t eat dinner that day, only crawling out of bed to get a shower.
I know that she’s been getting high, because she hasn’t been getting sick. And when you’re an addict, those are the only two options that you have. She’s been hiding it from me, but I’m not stupid. As if I needed to be petty and spiteful, I’ve been doing the same thing and only getting high when I’m not around her.
There’s been a weird shift in our relationship.
I don’t know what to do to get back to where we were before.
I don’t know what to do to get Ainsley back.
Maybe we need to go back to the way things were before. I shouldn’t enable her, but it’s not really being an enabler when you’re actively using too, is it? I shouldn’t encourage our drug habits, but before everything got fucked up, we used to have fun getting high together.
Maybe that’s what she needs to lift her spirits. And at this point, I’m willing to try anything that I can. I just want my girl back... and if she doesn’t come back to me, then I only have one option left. It’s the absolute last resort.
Inhaling deeply, I step into the room, making my way over to the bed. I sit down beside Ainsley as I pull the covers away from her face. Her eyes spring open, blinking rapidly as she adjusts to the bright light shining through the window. “What time is it?” she croaks, her voice rough and tired.
“It’s almost eleven,” I tell her quietly, lightly rubbing her arm through the blanket. “Why don’t you get up? We can find something to do.”
“I’m good,” she mumbles, pulling the comforter back up to her eyeballs. “I just wanna get some sleep, okay?”
“Ainsley...” My voice trails off, the emotion catching in my throat. “I’m worried about you, baby. This isn’t normal for you.”
Ainsley cuts her eyes at me. “How do you know what’s normal for me?”
A deep sigh slips from my lips as I pull my hand from her arm. “You need help, baby girl. Help that I can’t give you.”
“There you go again, thinking that you know what I need.” She sits up in a rush, her bloodshot eyes burning holes into mine. “What I need is for you to get off my fucking back, Killian. I. Am. Fine.”
I can’t ignore her harsh tone and her cold stare. We both know that she’s not fine, but if she wants to play it this way, then fuck it. I’m tired of fighting a losing battle.
“Fine.” I shrug my shoulders with indifference. “Let’s go get high.”
Ainsley stares at me. “What?”
“Don’t play stupid, Ainsley,” I growl, narrowing my eyes. “Just because you don’t do it in front of me doesn’t mean I don’t know what you’ve been doing behind my back.”
Her jaw clenches and I watch her throat bob as she swallows. I rise to my feet and extend my hand out to her with the fakest smile I can muster. “Come on.”
