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She’s hesitant, not fully trusting me, as she slowly uncovers herself and slips her hand into mine. I lead her out into the living room where my backpack sits, holding the dope that I got from Amethyst. This isn’t a step in the direction Ainsley needs to be heading, but at least it’s a step out of this damn room.
What a fucked-up logic.
What a fucked-up life…
* * *
“I can’t,”Ainsley says quietly as she stares down at the lines that I cut on the coffee table. “This doesn’t get me high anymore.”
My stomach sinks.“I don’t have anything to shoot it with.”
Ainsley picksat the skin around her thumbnail. “I do.”
Neither of ussays a word as she stands up and slips out of the room. She isn’t gone long, coming back with a small toiletry bag. She takes her place back on the couch beside me as she unzips the bag. Inside holds the key to Ainsley’s high. A spoon, a lighter, and a needle.
She setsup her rig and cooks the heroin as if she’s alone in the room. I don’t even exist in this space that she’s in. I hold the rolled-up dollar bill to my nose, inhaling the lines of poison as I try to ignore what Ainsley’s doing right in front of me.
Realization sinksin as the needle disappears into her vein.
I fucked up.
THIRTEEN
AINSLEY
My body melts into the couch as I sink deeper into the cushions. I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here, but I’m pretty sure my arms and legs don’t function properly anymore. The heaviness that settles in my bones is debilitating.
It doesn’t chase away the depressed state that I’ve been in. Instead, it’s like I’m high and euphoric while still wanting to die. It’s a conflicting feeling. For now, I’ll ride the high because I know that it won’t last.
When my high wears off, the depression will still be there, waiting to ruin my life.
“Did you ever consider the corner store?” Killian’s deep voice breaks through my thoughts. It takes me a moment as my eyes struggle to focus on his face. As his green irises come back into focus, I remember the conversation that we were having.
“Do you think that they’re hiring?”
Killian lifts his shoulders. “It’s worth looking into.”
“Let’s go right now.”
Killian raises a lazy eyebrow at me. “Can’t we wait a little bit?”
My feet are unsteady, my legs weigh a ton, but I climb off the couch anyway, letting the foreign energy drive me. It’s a contrast from the dark state I’ve been in. I don’t know how long it will last, so I need to take advantage of it while I can. “Please, Killian?”
His face softens, a smile touching his lips as he nods. “Whatever you want, baby girl,” he says gently as he rises to his feet. His voice is thick with an indistinguishable emotion. I know that the sudden change in my mood is a surprise to him. He’s been waiting for me to come back to him.
And even if I’m not back, this is a small glimmer of who I once was that we’re both willing to cling to until the light fades.
The sun hits my face and my eyes involuntarily squint against the harsh light as we step out of the darkly lit apartment. It’s almost dream-like as we both float down the stairs and make our way down the street. Nothing feels real and my head soars above the clouds as I ride the lasting euphoric rush from my high.
Killian hangs back, letting me know that he’ll be waiting for me outside as I walk into the small corner store. I walk up to the cashier who helps out a customer as he stands behind the bulletproof glass that protects him. Stores like this in areas like this have a habit of getting robbed frequently.
The kid finishes ringing out his customer and gives me a bored stare as I walk up to the glass. “Are you guys hiring?”
He shrugs. “I dunno. You can fill out an application if you want though.”
I watch him, shifting my weight on my feet as he digs through one of the drawers and pulls out a piece of paper. My eyes scan the sheet as I take it from him, noting how simple it looks. I wouldn’t really expect too much coming from a store like this. To be honest, I’m surprised they even have a paper to fill out for a job.
The door dings as a few people walk into the store. I move out of the way as a burly man comes to the counter, gruffly asking for a pack of cigarettes. The cashier is done with me, so I make my way toward the door, still in a slight daze.
