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I start to stand up, but he grabs my wrist. “You’re not understanding me. It’s biologically impossible for me to have children.”
I wasn’t expecting that.
I wasn’t expecting that at all.
I have no idea what to say to that, so I just settle back into my chair and nod at him to continue.
“I should have told you sooner. You’ve given me so many opportunities to tell you, but I was too ashamed. You’re young and beautiful and you’ll probably want more kids down the line, so why would you stay with someone who can never give you that? I’m as useless to you as I was to Mary Elizabeth. I should have told you right at the beginning so you knew what you were tying yourself to, but I was selfish and wanted to get to be with you for a little longer. You must feel so betrayed.”
“I won’t lie to you,” I say. “I’m hurt that you felt like you couldn’t come to me with this sooner, but that’s a big thing to tell someone. I understand why you struggled to share it.”
“You are nothing like Mary Elizabeth, but I still put you in the same box, anyway. I was so convinced that you’d react the same way she did that I didn’t give you the chance to decide for yourself how you feel. I didn’t let you be you, and I can’t tell you how much I regret letting it get to this point. I’m so sorry, Avery. “
“What happened between the two of you?”
“We’d been trying to have children for three years on our own. When nothing happened, we went to a fertility clinic to get some tests done. She had been so convinced it was her fault. Turns out it was mine. I was completely sterile. When we found that out, Mary Elizabeth went off on me right there in the doctor’s office.
“She told me I had tricked her into marriage with false promises, that I was defective and a failure of a man. She even told me I was less useful than the furniture cluttering up our attic. It wasn’t until the doctor threatened to have her removed from the premises that she stopped screaming at me. She didn’t say a word to me for the rest of the day.”
“Phillip, I’m so sorry.”
“The very next day, Mary Elizabeth told me she wanted a divorce and that I had a day to get out of the house. I tried to reason with her, but she just wasn’t having it.”
“She never should have treated you that way. That’s terrible.”
“It was.” He nods. “I always thought I’d have my own kids someday, so learning that I couldn’t was a major blow on its own, but what she said to me wounded me in a way that I still haven’t healed from.”
When I came out here, I was upset and hurt. Now all I want to do (besides finding this woman and torching her car) is wrap my arms around him and hold him close.
I take his hand in mine. “We said that we were a team, that we were all in this together. I don’t care whether you can have children or not. Being able to biologically contribute to a child doesn’t automatically make you a good father. Kyle is a prime example of that. Getting pregnant was what finally got me to leave him because I knew I didn’t want my child anywhere near that monster.
“Walking away from the relationship because it’s too complicated and you don’t want to be involved is a valid response, but backing out because you think you’re not good enough makes you a coward. I want you involved if you want to be involved. Period.”
“Avery, I don’t know what to say.”
“Just say you’ll come back inside with me so we can all talk this out together.”
“I think I can manage that.”
Jamie and Wesley don’t say a word when we walk back into the living room hand in hand. They just let us get settled back on the couch like nothing had happened.
“I think it goes without saying that we need a plan,” I say once I get settled.
They nod their agreement.
“I know we don’t know for sure yet, but if I am pregnant, I plan to see it through. I had always planned to have another child someday. I hadn’t wanted to do it this soon, but sometimes, life has other plans. I don’t expect you to stay with me. This was my fault for forgetting to take my birth control, so I’ll understand completely if you don’t want to be involved with me anymore. I’ve done a good job by myself with Leo, so I’m sure I’ll?—”
“I’m sorry. I think I might be losing my hearing because I know that you didn’t just say that this was your fault,” Wesley interrupts.
“It’s my ex-husband causing the trouble. I’m the one who forgot to take my pills, so it’s my fault and my responsibility.”
“I didn’t know you could reproduce asexually. Jamie, did you know about this?”
“Now, I’m not a scientist, but I’m pretty sure human beings can’t do that.” He nods.
“Didn’t you just tell me out on the deck that we were a team?” Phillip asks. “We are dealing with Kyle together. We are in a relationship together, ergo, we’re all responsible for contraception. Yes, you’re the one taking the pills, but we absolutely could have checked in with you to make sure you weren’t so stressed that you forgot to take them.
“Stress affects short-term memory—we all know that. That’s why we were making sure that you remembered to eat and took time to relax, so there’s no excuse for us not checking in with you on that too.”
