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It doesn’t escape my notice that even though things feel more comfortable between all of us, Avery's parents have not stopped their intense scrutiny of our interactions together.
At the beginning of the outing, I’d been using every ounce of my schooling to try and read their expressions and body language to see if they approved. It was to the point where it had started distracting me from the here and now.
I’m not sure exactly when the shift happened, but I don’t care anymore.
Let them pick at every little interaction. Let them hold us under a microscope. All they’re going to see are three men who adore their daughter and grandson. If they can’t see that, then that’s their problem. The only thing that matters is that Avery sees it.
This shift in perspective almost makes me dizzy, but I’ve decided to embrace it as best I can.
When we finally get to the paper plane exhibit, her father—David—manages to get a moment with us out of Leo’s earshot.
“I’ve seen the way you are with her.” He nods in Avery’s direction. “Clearly, there’s something between you, but is this some kind of game or do you actually see this going somewhere? She’s been through enough and doesn’t need people around who aren’t going to have her best interests at heart. Don’t even get me started on Leo. He’s already getting attached to you.”
What does that mean, she’s been through enough? I know her ex was a jerk, but clearly, there’s more than that.
“I’m aware that I can't tell you what to do, but I wouldn’t be a good father if I didn’t advise you to back off now if this is just a casual thing.”
I can see Wesley puffing up with anger, so I catch his eye and shake my head. He’s still angry, but at my cue, his breathing has visibly slowed. Jamie doesn’t look much better. He’s so pale and clammy that I’m amazed he manages to speak first.
“I know firsthand that tomorrow isn’t a guarantee, especially in relationships. When I was younger, I would have made you a lot of impossible promises. Now that I’m older, the only thing I can promise you is that we will be here for as long as Avery wants us to be.”
Wesley clears his throat. “Respectfully, I don’t care what you think of us, of this. We’ll be civil with you and hopefully, you’ll come to accept us. I’d like a good relationship with you, of course, but the most important person in this relationship is Avery. If she’s happy, that’s enough for me.”
It’s moments like this where I wonder if we’re actually just one soul split into three different bodies.
“Is that how you feel too?” David asks me.
“I couldn’t have phrased it better if I tried. The only thing I want to add is that she and that wonderful little boy have filled in holes in my life that I didn’t even know were there.
“I’m aware there’s an age gap and we haven’t exactly had a fairytale start, but I am old enough to recognize a good woman when I see her. I have no intention of letting that go to make someone outside the relationship happy.”
Whatever he was going to say next is cut off by the sound of Avery dry heaving and then vomiting across the floor. Her whole body is shaking, and she’s whiter than printer paper.
We jump to our feet, but Avery’s mom beats us to it.
As we start forward, David holds his hand up, stopping us.
“Panic attack. Let Barb handle it. Leo needs us right now.”
I didn’t even know she had panic attacks. What exactly is she keeping from us?
26
AVERY
“Mom, does he really have to do the whole ‘what are your intentions with my daughter’ thing?” I mutter as we color our planes with Leo.
“After everything that happened with Kyle, I think he absolutely does.”
If she had reached out and slapped me, I couldn’t have been more humiliated than I am now.
Does she think I didn’t learn from that?
How many panic attacks has she helped me through both in person and on the phone? Isn’t that enough for her to understand that I can’t even stomach the mere idea of being with someone like that again?
I’ve been to therapy. I have the coping skills they taught me, and I use them daily. When I have a panic attack and there’s no one to help me, I call the hotlines.
I’m not fixed—may never be fixed—but I am doing much better than I was.
