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That’s the one thing I can’t stand about people who have never been through what I have. They always act like it was a stupid mistake and you should have known better.
One of my favorite lines is, “Why didn’t you just leave?”
And who can forget the absolute classic, “Just make sure you pick better next time.”
Well, gee whiz, why didn’t I think of that?
When Kyle and I met in high school, he was a good guy. We had a few minor disagreements, but overall, he was charming and generous and basically worshiped the ground I walked on.
Even with the socioeconomic differences, our parents got along exceptionally well. We all had dinner together on Friday nights and alternated who hosted.
My parents gave their full support when he proposed to me right after we graduated.
It wasn’t until after we were married that he started to change.
At that point, I was trapped.
I had no degree—“We just don’t have the money for it right now. I’m only in an entry level position. I can’t pay our bills and send both of us to college.”
That was a big, fat lie.
I had no job—“Why do you even want to work, Little Dove? I make enough to take care of both of us. Just stick to your little baking hobby. That should be enough to amuse you while I’m at work.”
I didn’t even have access to the bank accounts. Instead, I got an allowance because “That’s how things are done in this tax bracket.”
The first time I knew how much money we had was when my lawyer—paid for by my parents—filed a motion to compel in court.
So many people swear up and down that nothing like this would ever happen to them. They think that because they can recognize obvious threats like the guy in the dark alley or someone yanking off your headphones on the bus because they feel entitled to your time, they would recognize an abuser right away.
Most abusers aren’t like that. They know that slapping someone across the face because they use the wrong fork on their first date won’t get them a second one. People like that are smarter. They wait until they have their hooks completely in you before they take the mask off.
According to my former therapist, they’re master manipulators. They lure you in by being your perfect dream and then slowly acclimate you to worse and worse treatment until you’re doing and tolerating things you never thought you would.
The whole goal for people like Kyle is to pick a good person and break them down until they get a mindless servant. It can happen to anyone.
“You got deceived by him just as much as I did. We all fell for it, not just me,” I say angrily.
She sighs. “Sweetheart, that’s exactly why your father feels like he needs to give them the third degree. You have no idea how much he blames himself for not being able to see through all the charm and the manners to what that family really was. He even went to counseling about it for almost a year. We both did, actually.”
I’m stunned.
“I had no idea. Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped.”
“We’re the parents. It’s our job to take care of you, not the other way around. We failed you then, but we’re not going to do that this time.”
My phone pings with the special tone I assigned to my website’s email.
I don’t usually get any emails through the site. It’s usually all through comments on my socials, but I’m not going to complain. It's a good enough distraction to keep me from bursting into tears from my mother’s kind words.
Maybe the new color scheme Phillip suggested worked and it’s a job offer from another catering venue. I could end up getting to say goodbye to Henri sooner than I thought.
“I think this might be important,” I say, pulling out my phone. “I’m just going to check it really quick.
I turn around on the bench so I can check the email with a smidgen of privacy.
Sure enough, there’s a message from the website just sitting in my inbox. In my rush to get to the message, I don’t even bother to notice the sender’s email.
There’s no greeting to the message so it’s not likely that it’s a job offer, but I decide to skim over it to buy myself some time to calm down.
