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“Lana, you’re scaring me. I don’t think that whatever you’ve done could possibly make me not want you. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”
Chapter 16
Lana takes me by the hand to the living room, and I sit on the couch. She takes a seat far away from me, and immediately I’m wracked with panic. How bad is what she’s going to tell me that she has to sit far away? I watch her inhale and exhale deeply several times as if steeling herself for what she has to tell me.
“Remember what a majority of fights were about when we were last together?”
“Yeah, it was because I was working too much.”
“And canceling on me when we had plans.”
“That too,” I say dryly.
“I was so upset with you. I knew you cared more about Eltech than me, and it hurt.”
“Lana, that’s not true, it’s not.”
“Please, let me finish. You skipped several dates with me for a couple of weeks. It was always one thing or another. Remember the fundraiser my parents were throwing?”
I thought back to the fundraiser that her parents had for underprivileged youth. I remember thinking what would they possibly know about people in that category. My new assistant that I subsequently fired for several screw-ups and hired Jan had scheduled a meeting with a school system on the wrong day. When I found out, I had no choice but to keep the meeting and immediately fly to Texas. This was a multi-million dollar deal that would bolster Eltech for the next coming months if it went through.
I had told Lana that I wouldn’t be able to go, wrote a check for a donation, and called my good friend Harry to escort her. Lana had put up a big fuss of going alone, so I wanted to make her happy.
“Yes, I do. But what does that have to do with anything?”
“I went with Harry. You asked him to take me.”
“He was more than willing to have a lovely lady on his arm. He canceled with the woman he had asked to go with him originally.”
“Harry was charming and attentive; everything you were not at that moment. He took me to an all-night restaurant after. We looked ridiculous, eating burgers and fries in our fancy clothing, he in his tuxedo and me in a ball gown. But I enjoyed myself, and when it came time to part, he invited me to his apartment for a drink. I accepted because I enjoyed his company.”
My stomach started to churn, and bile rose in my throat. I had a feeling where this was going, and even though I could fill in the blanks, I let her continue.
“He fixed me a drink, and we sat talking. I already had champagne and wine at the fundraiser, so it was going to my head. One thing led to another…”
“You fucked him? You cheated on me?”
“Yes,” she cried. “I fucked him.”
“How could you do that to me? You knew how much I loved you.”
“It was a mistake, but it was one I would make twice more.”
“Oh my God, Lana. You went back for more? My fucking best friend and you. How could you? How could he?”
It was shortly after that when she left me. I somehow felt that it was more than just not showing up at Dr. Amundsen’s office on time. For several weeks before, she was distant from me when we were together, even making love I didn’t have her full attention. I had asked many times if she wanted to tell me what was bothering her.
“You don’t know how guilty I felt.”
“But you went back for more so you couldn’t have been that guilty.”
“It was just everything. So much was going on. I know it was stupid and careless.”
“You fucked my soon to be ex-best friend. Harry knew how much I was in love with you. It’s my fault. I sent you into the dragon’s arms. This changes everything, Lana. I’m not sure I can forgive you for this.”
She looks at me with shock. “It was five years ago. I did my penance.”
“And me with you. I’m not sure we could have worked this out back then, but at least I would have known. Those entire five years, all I thought about was how I failed you. How I drove you away, and now you tell me this. It wasn’t only me. You needed to get away because of your guilt.”
