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“It was the hardest decision I ever made. Don’t you understand? Now you want to chuck it all away because of a mistake?”
“Lana, once was a mistake. Three times is deliberate.”
“I can’t take it back. I wish I could.”
I get up and grab my phone, wallet, and keys from the foyer table, slipping them into my pocket. She watches me, and I can see her eyes beginning to flood with tears. I won’t comfort her. I need to be left alone to think, but first, I have to take care of something.
“I need to get some air and think about what I want to do.”
“What about what I want?”
“Lana, you did what you wanted. Now it’s my turn.”
I walk out, slamming the door behind me. I know it hurt her for me to say that, but I’m hurt too. Lana had me thinking all these years that I was the sole reason for her leaving me, but there was more.
I walk the streets and head to the park for a little while. The July heat is oppressive, and I find a bench under some trees to sit in the shade. The anger rises in me as I think about everything that just transpired.
“Fuck, Butler, I think you broke my nose.”
I loved the element of surprise, and when Harry opened the door to his apartment, I slammed my fist in his face, connecting with his almost perfect nose. Blood began flowing immediately.
“You fucking deserve it and more. You’re lucky I don’t kill you.”
He grabbed a towel from the small bathroom off the hallway and held it to his face to stem the bleeding.
“When did you find out?”
“An hour ago. How could you do that to me? You were one of my best friends. I expected more.”
“Zane, I never meant it to happen.”
“You fucked her three times. You could have said no, pushed her away, but you didn’t. You allowed it to happen.”
“We were drunk the first time. She was pouring her heart out to me and crying. I kissed her to comfort her, and it just happened. The other times she came to me asking for it.”
“You could’ve said no.”
“It was hard to say that when she was crying and hanging all over me. She was telling me how much you hurt her and how much you loved her. She said I made her feel good.”
“I don’t know if I can ever be friends with you again.”
“Seriously? It was five years ago. You’re not together anymore.”
I had forgotten that Harry hadn’t been privy to any of what was going on since he had been away on a business trip until yesterday.
“We’re back together, but I’m not sure if I can be with her again either after this.”
“Shit, you can’t let the past get in your way. It’s over. You’ve wanted her for so long, and now you have her back. Why would you do that?”
“Because we were living a lie after she slept with you. She made me believe all the problems we were having were my fault. I’m not taking the blame for her sleeping with you. That was all her.”
“If it means anything, I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I hoped you wouldn’t find out. When she came back, I should’ve guessed it was only a matter of time. I knew she couldn’t stay away, married, or not.”
“You were right, but I don’t know where we go from here. I’m sorry about your nose.”
I leave him standing there and head out the door. It’s turned a bit cloudy since I went inside Harry’s and I walk the streets again. As it grows darker, I hope for rain. I want it to wash over my body and cleanse me from the nightmare that I’m now living.
I get my wish, and the heavens open up. I make no attempt to duck into a building or store to avoid the heavy drops. In a matter of minutes, my hair and clothing are drenched, and I squish my way back towards my apartment. The downpour ceases when I’m half a block away. I need to sit down with Lana and hash this out. We need to figure out how we move forward. Maybe a trip to Dr. Amundsen together is what we need.
