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“Hey, Lana. We need to talk.”
“I’m sorry about last night.”
“Last night is why I’m calling. I’ve made a decision.”
“You have?”
“We can’t see each other. This friend’s thing is not working for me. All I can ever think of when we're together is how to get you into bed. That’s not something that friends do. I’ll always want something more than you can give.”
She’s silent, and I’m not sure she’s still on the line until she speaks. “I don’t want that. I need you, Zane. I need your support.”
“Call me selfish, but I can’t give it to you. I can’t be around you.”
“So, where does that leave me?”
“Engaged and getting married in a few weeks. You don’t need me; you only think you do.”
“I know I do. I always enjoyed your company.”
“I’m sorry. I just can’t do this anymore. For me to have my own life, I need closure. This is the closure I was looking for. Being able to talk to you has been helpful to me. It made me understand why you left. I don’t feel angry anymore.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know, but don’t you understand that you’re hurting me every time I see you? It’s not healthy.”
“You mean out of sight, out of mind? You think that’s going to stop you from wanting me?”
“If it doesn’t, I’m lost. I need to move on. I’m sorry, but this is the last time we will talk. I hope you have a great marriage. You deserve the best. Goodbye, Lana.”
I hang up the phone and drop it on my desk. The tears come, hard, and I collapse into my chair, burying my face in my hands. It’s over and done with. No more fucking women that look like her and no more pining away, hoping she’ll come to me. Today my life starts over. Five years have been stolen from me, and I need to make up for lost time. I need to start dating again.
Chapter 12
“Are you, Jenna?” I ask.
Harry set me up on a blind date with a woman that works in his office. She’s a stockbroker and a few years younger than me. Her hair is the same jet black as mine, in a tight French braid. Her eyes are a stormy gray color, and her oval face is pleasing to the eye. We decided to meet for drinks to see if we were compatible.
The past few weeks have been busy and tumultuous. After I ended it with Lana, I decided to call Declan and tell him that we weren’t going to take him up on his offer. He sounded more than annoyed and even more so when I told him that I would no longer be able to see Lana. I kept our conversation brief, telling him I had meetings to attend.
Since then, I haven’t heard from him. I read in The Wall Street Journal that he is working with Futile on the software deal. Some of the details were outlined, and they didn’t seem as beneficial as they would have been to Eltech. That leads me to believe Declan had ulterior motives for choosing my company first.
Lana tried to call me several times and has since been using Paige as an intermediary. I don’t usually tell Paige about my personal issues concerning women, but she had to be made aware of why I cut off my contact with Lana. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Paige was sympathetic but had told me that Lana was suffering without my friendship. I would never say it out loud, but I said to myself, how does it feel? It was apparent I was still harboring some anger even though I thought I let it all go.
I went back to Dr. Amundsen. My head was fucked up, and I needed some clarity to the situation. I hadn’t seen him for two years, but he was glad to see me back telling me that I should have continued. I had to agree. I had some unresolved conflict that came to light once Lana came back.
“Yes, I’m Jenna, and you’re Zane?”
We shake hands, and I gesture for her to sit before I do. The waitress comes to take our drink orders. I hit it off with Jenna. She has a great sense of humor and is quite witty. I offer to take her to dinner, where we spend three hours talking and laughing. It feels good to date someone where there is no expectation.
At the end of the night, we exchange phone numbers, and she kisses me on the cheek before we part. It’s now mid-May, and the weather has turned much nicer. I feel so good that I walk fifteen blocks in the dark before I realize that I have about thirty to go and should get a cab home.
Upon arrival at my building, my phone starts going off, and I fish it out of my jacket to answer. I notice several texts from Paige.
“What’s going on?”
“You should call Lana.”
“Paige, I can’t. I’m doing so much better now that I let it go. Let her go.”
