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“Of course I do. It’s too late to say no.”
“It’s never too late.”
Lana looks at me intently. She knows what I’m thinking because she’s thinking it too. She called off our wedding one month before we married. All the invitations had already gone out, and we had to call everyone to let them know it was off—the worst time in my life.
“Zane, I can’t do it again. I’m not a runaway bride.”
“You were with me,” I say softly.
“And I regret that. I know I hurt you.”
“Lana, why didn’t you come back to me? I would have taken you back.”
“Because I knew you weren’t going to change. I couldn’t do it anymore.”
“If I had to do it over again, I would. I would make you priority one. Lana, I miss you so much. Don’t marry Declan because you want to be married, because you’re embarrassed to break it off.”
“I have to. I love him.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I am.”
“But you’re alone a lot. This was one of our issues.”
“I’m older now. Please, I don’t want to discuss this. I just want to have a nice dinner and spend some time together.”
“Fine. I’m starving. Can we order?”
After a leisurely dinner and I’ve removed my tie and jacket, we’re sitting on the couch together talking. The light is soft in the room, and Lana looks beautiful. I reach out to stroke her face with my knuckles because I can’t resist. She grabs my hand and kisses the palm, the touch of her lips, sending ripples of electricity through my body. I quickly withdraw, and she looks into my eyes.
“Kiss me, Zane.”
I inhale deeply. I want nothing more than to kiss her, but I know our passion would be only temporary. She’s lonely, and I’m close to being over the edge of wanting to seduce her. To touch her lips with my own would only stoke the fires that started years ago and never died.
“I can’t. If I kiss you, we’ll end up in bed together.”
“I don’t care.”
“Lana, you don’t mean that. You won’t be able to deal with the guilt, and I don’t want to ruin any relationship I have with you. This could end us for good.”
“Please, just one kiss.”
“Lana, no. It’s not right.”
She moves towards me, and her face is so close to mine that I can feel her warm breath floating over my lips. I grasp both of her shoulders and bounce between giving her what we both want or denying ourselves. I choose denial, and I gently push her away. Her face immediately reddens, and she scrambles off the sofa and runs upstairs. It’s then that I realize how hard I’m breathing. I was so close to having her again.
I gather my things and leave the suite. I know she isn’t coming back down, and I’m certainly not going up to her bedroom. Instead of feeling proud of myself, I feel miserable. Being friends with Lana has proven to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’m not sure I can see her again.
That night, with my sexual appetite at an all-time high, I try to jerk off, but I just don’t feel right about it and stop. My stomach is in knots. I can’t sleep, and I hit the gym downstairs at 2:00 AM, running as fast as I can for as long as I can. I’m exhausted when I come back upstairs, and I fall into bed without showering.
I’ve had time to think while I ran. I’m not going to see Lana again. It’s one of the most painful decisions I’m ever going to make. I don’t want to be the reason for the breakup of her engagement. I want her to be happy, and her seeing me is creating problems. It’s going to tear me apart, but I have to do it, and I have to move on with my life. Lana will never be mine, and Lucian is right, I can’t wait out their marriage. Maybe this one will work, and Declan will be married to her for years though I’m not sure with his penchant for cheating.
I don’t want to give up my life, my chance to have children and to be with someone that loves me. Lana is my past, and I need to let it go. We might see each other at functions in the city, but it will have to be kept to a cordial hello. The thought of all this makes me sick.
Thursday morning, when I wake, the decision is made. I’m ending my friendship with Lana. I’m going to take the day off and call her. I wish I had the courage to do it in person, but I don’t. Seeing her beautiful face will weaken me, and the words will never come.
After I call Eltech to let them know I’m working from home, I call Lana. The phone rings several times and goes to voicemail. I hang up because I’m not leaving something like this in a message. I pace the floor of my office, and just as I decide to try again, my cell rings. It’s her.
