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“Do I need to spell it out?”
“Why, Zane? She’s all wrong for you.”
“Five years, Lana. Five fucking long years and all I do is fuck women that look like you, but they’re not you. They’ll never be you. And now you’re back, but I can’t have you. I can never have you.”
“I can’t do this,” she stands, and I pull her back down.
“Why did you go?” I whisper.
Silent tears slip down her face, and I take her into my arms. She feels so wonderful against my body.
“I had to go. You didn’t care.”
“I cared. I still care very much.”
She pulls back from me, “Then be my friend. Take what I can offer you.”
It’s a shitty deal, but at least I get to be close to her even if I can’t have all of her. “Don’t invite me to your wedding. I won’t watch another man claim what’s mine. I’m sorry, but that’s how I think of you. I’ll be your friend. I’ll take what you give me, but know that I’ll always want more.”
“Thank you.”
“Now explain to me when you started running because you were a slug eating chocolate chip ice cream while I worked out like a madman.”
“I gained a few pounds after we separated from eating too many pints of chocolate chip ice cream. So I started to run. I thought I would hate it, but when I got to Los Angeles, I found out I enjoyed it.”
“Did you leave for Los Angeles right away?”
“No. I was at my parents for a little while. I decided I needed a change of scenery. My cousin Vanessa lives out there, so I moved in with her.”
“Did you write any steamy romance novels while you were gone?”
“You remember?”
“Of course. How could I forget you told me that was your dream.”
“I did write some, but then I started to work and a few I didn’t finish.”
“So, you have a few steamy romance novels that you never finished?”
“Several. I wrote one about us.”
“You did?”
“It was a catharsis. I needed it.”
“Did you finish that one?”
“Yes. It had a happy ending.”
“How did it end?”
“Marriage, babies. You know the usual happy ending.”
“So not like our real relationship. Lana, I know I was wrong on so many levels, but I was a mess when you left me.”
“I’m sure we shared the same suffering, but you were never going to change. It hurts so much to know that. When you didn’t show up at the doctor’s office, I knew it was the end.”
“It didn’t have to be.” I know I shouldn’t, but I stroke her cheek with my fingers, and she closes her eyes. She’s just the way I love her, scrubbed clean of makeup, hair in a ponytail, and perfectly natural. She places her hand over mine and pulls it away.
