AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 20
Olivia
I made a huge mistake by letting Jake kiss me. Why didn’t I just push him away? I love Lucian with all my heart, but I am scared. Lexi spilled the beans on how I sabotaged his proposal to me. I wasn’t sure if I could say yes, and I couldn’t bear the look on his face if I turned him down.
I’ve been feeling poorly for several weeks. I’m tired all the time, and I can’t seem to get enough sleep. When I’m at work, I find myself dozing off in the afternoons. The nausea I feel is horrible, and because of it, I don’t eat much, which is becoming a vicious cycle. I’m losing weight again.
Lucian had been on my ass to go to the doctor, but I’m afraid of confronting the same pattern repeating itself like when I last found out I had cancer. I planned to distance myself from Luc, a little at a time. I wasn’t going to move in with him but make him think I was. Like we planned, I would have gone to select furniture just like I chose paint colors.
I didn’t expect the painting to be completed so quickly. I thought it would buy some time by asking for changes. Before that, it surprised me when I liked the colors on the wall when Lucian showed the place to me. He’s been so good to me, and I’ve hurt him so much; I don’t deserve him.
The ring he bought me is gorgeous. He left it sitting on the wall and after he left. JC brought it to me while I cried in Lexi’s arms. It’s a simple design; a two-carat Asscher cut diamond in a platinum setting. I once commented on Emma’s ring, and Lucian took it as a cue. I keep it by my bedside so I can look at it each night. I’ve even worn it a few times around my apartment.
I’ve tried to contact Lucian. Rory told me he went to Boston to visit his parents. He told Zane he was taking a few days off and told him not to tell me where he is. I can still recall the conversation when I confronted Zane.
“Olivia, what the fuck happened?” he asked. “I thought everything was going great.”
“I make a mistake.”
“You said no to his proposal?”
I threw my hands up. “Does everyone know he was going to propose to me?”
“I’m his best friend. Why wouldn’t I know something like that?”
“Right.”
“So, what happened?”
“I kissed Jake by accident.”
Zane glared at me. “You fucking didn’t! How does kissing someone by accident work, Olivia? Explain it to me.”
“I can’t explain it. I was scared. I have so many things going on in my head. It just happened, and he saw us.”
“How could you do this to him again? Don’t you love him?”
“I love him more than you know! But he won’t talk to me. Can you talk to him for me?”
“This time, I’m not helping you. You need to clean up your mess. I believed in you last time, but this strike two.”
“I didn’t kiss Jake the first time.”
“Then, why now? How could you do that to Lucian?”
“I don’t know!” I cry as I bury my face in my hands.
Zane sighed, sat down next to me, and put his arm around my shoulders while handing me his handkerchief.
“Olivia, you keep tearing his heart out. Why?” he softly questioned.
“I suck at relationships,” I admit. “Everything is coming down on me at once. I made a bad judgment call; it’s what I do. You have a shitty guy in mind for me? One that will treat me like a piece of crap and abuse me? Send him my way.”
“No. I have a great that’s head over heels in love with you.”
“Not anymore. You didn’t see his face when he looked at me. He doesn’t want me anymore, and I deserve it. I never deserved him. I deserved what Joshua did to me.”
“How the fuck can you say such a thing? What happened to you that made you believe you deserved assholes like that?”
