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Even with the few things we knew about each other, Chase always knew that I bit my nails when I was nervous.
“I’m telling them tonight, which is why I wanted you to take CJ.”
“You’re telling who, what?”
“I’m telling my family that you’re not the cad they thought you were.”
“Oh. I appreciate you doing that. I don’t want them to think I left you because you were pregnant.”
“Chase, the reason you left doesn’t make you a hero either.”
“I know that. I was the wrong time, but I hope one day you’ll see past it.”
“I’m trying.”
I head to CJ’s room to retrieve his overnight bag while Chase gets him strapped into his stroller.
“Can you come over to my place when you finish with your family?”
I’m surprised at his request and take a second to think. “Sure. It might not be until about nine, though. Is that okay?”
“Yes, I’m off tomorrow.”
He then kisses my cheek, and his lips linger before he withdraws. The simple gesture makes me weak in the knees. I lean against the wall as Chase walks out the door with CJ.
My sister’s apartment is packed with family, and I wonder if I should spring my news on them. The only one that knows Chase is back is Hunter, who is also aware of my plan to tell everyone tonight. Before meal prep can begin, I ask for quiet. With my family staring at me, waiting, I swallow hard.
“I have some news, and I hope you won’t think ill of me. As you know, Chase is CJ’s father. But I lied to you when I told you he left because I was pregnant.” I hesitate and scan the room, taking in the array of shocked faces. My eyes fix on Hunter, who gives me silent encouragement.
“He left for another reason, unrelated to me. But he’s back in New York now, and I told him about CJ. He’s even taken up parenting duties. CJ is with him right now for an overnight. I don’t want you to think poorly of him. He would have supported me if he knew I was pregnant. I was angry with him for leaving, which is why I told you he didn’t know. I’m sorry I lied.”
I wait for a barrage of questions, but everyone seems to be either satisfied with my answer or have questioning expressions that hint that they plan on taking me aside later. No one speaks, and not knowing what to do, I settle on the couch and let out a sigh of relief.
Hunter comes over and whispers, “Why didn’t you didn’t tell them the truth?”
“I feel stupid. I fell in love with him, and he left because of it.”
Avoiding whatever he is about to ask next, I leave to get a glass of wine. I rarely drink when CJ is in the apartment with me, but tonight I’m free to indulge since Chase has him for the night. When I’m alone, Lexi questions me the way only a big sister can.
“I had a feeling he didn’t know,” she states. “He doesn’t strike me as the type of man that would abandon his child.”
How would she know? He abandoned me, not his child.
“I was angry at him. I just wanted everyone to know he’s not at fault. Since coming back, he’s been generous with child support and also with co-parenting.”
“You should bring him around some time, or are you not on those type of terms?”
“We’re becoming friends again. It’s nice to have him back.”
Dinner goes well, and we all have a good time catching up. As I have a second glass of wine, I feel a gnawing in my chest when I see my niece and nephew. I miss CJ. Even though I plan on seeing him after I leave Lexi’s, it’s the first night that I’ve been away from him since he was born. I leave before dessert is served, claiming I’m exhausted from CJ keeping me up with his teething. I want to get to Chase’s.
Hurrying along in the fading light of mid-August, I start to sweat in the warm weather. I should have taken a cab, but it’s such a nice night that the fifteen blocks to Chase’s seem like no big deal. When I get to the front desk of his apartment, it’s 8:30. I have them buzz his unit to announce my arrival.
My stomach clenches tightly with anxiety as we ride up in the elevator. Though Chase promised to let me see CJ’s room when it was finished, I never got the chance. This will be the first time I’ll be entering his apartment since he left for California last year.
By the time I step off the elevator, he’s waiting at his apartment door for me. He kisses my cheek in greeting, and I inhale his scent. His apartment is just as I remember it, right down to the furniture. The only thing difference is that the living room used to be painted a soft gray.
“How did it go?” he asks.
