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“Want to hear a joke about construction—?”
“You’re still working on it,” I pointed at Dad and said the punchline before he could.
“You’ve caught onto me, kid.”
We laughed together far longer than the joke deserved. Then Dad’s expression turned serious. “It’s good to see you happy, princess.” My happiness surprised me, too. I’d thought my shattered heart wouldn’t ever know joy again. But Paul surprised me.
My love for Paul Crane was tangled in my soul. Rooted. Boundless. Even though it hurt that he wasn’t here with me now, he left me with his love.
His confession came as a light in my darkest hour. He was broken by our loss and exposed, and so was I. We were vulnerable. Powerless. No walls could rise in that despair. And he let me in and told me those words I so longed to hear from him. I love you, Nadia.
But Paul’s love profession hadn’t come as a new beginning for us. It had come as an end. Though he told me he couldn’t let me go, he wasn’t ready to stay. And after a couple of days, we fought.
“I can’t expect you to put your life on hold—”
I plea to him. “You didn’t and won’t—”
“I will, Nadia. Things have changed for us. Your life is just starting. I’m older, and I want things you are not ready for.”
I block his path and throw my hands up in frustration. “How do you know I don’t want the same? You don’t. You’re shutting me out because you’re afraid, and so am I, Paul. No one knows what will happen in the future. We love each other now.”
“We do, but we only just started a relationship. It’s too soon for more. And what if I’m never ready? I can’t expect you to wait for me forever.”
“No, you can’t.”
My hand touched my throat, remembering the anguish in my voice. In the heat of the moment, I said no, I wouldn’t wait, and I didn’t take those words back. Searching my conscience there was no regret. I never held back my love, and Paul would have to give me the same.
“I…I want you safe. I won’t let anyone hurt you….” His words died on his lips. Again.
Paul blamed himself. He believed he should have been able to prevent what happened to me on the boat. Still, I held on to what he said from his heart to mine. I don’t think I can walk away.
“Earth to Nadia,” Dad called me back from my thoughts.
I leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Let’s get some sun.”
“Sorry, Texas is fresh out of it,” he joked as I followed next to his power chair to reach the patio. My lips formed a smile, though my heart squeezed. Dad hadn’t lost the use of his legs, but he had an oxygen tank to help him breathe—a new change since his course of chemotherapy. He became tired quickly when walking.
Dad’s eyes still held that light, soft eggshell blue of a freshly dipped Easter egg. They were always paired with a smile on his lips from a joke he couldn’t wait to share. But there were physical changes from his round of chemo. He was thin, pale, and slept most hours, and that was enough to send my nerves into a wild panic. But the doctor told us he was better, and that was what Mom and I held on to. Hope.
“We play the hand we’re dealt, princess. Mine’s the best.” Dad told me. “The body always has an expiration date. You staying to watch the countdown isn’t an option.”
Dad also knew me better than anyone else. He knew I wanted to stay with him. He’d switched from his latest dad jokes to life affirmations—his way of gently pushing me to move forward. It was time to leave for Paris, and my flight was set for tomorrow. The Givenchy internship wasn’t only for me; I represented Professor Elan and the design school, as well as Tomas, who I had no doubt championed me more than he’d let on. I wouldn’t let them or myself down. I had to be strong.
“So, tell me again where you’re staying? Or should I say, think you’re staying?” he mused.
I lowered my brows. “Where I am staying. It’s the cutest little studio and only about a thirty-minute ride to Givenchy, or so the train schedule says online. I’m thinking of getting a cheap car or a motorbike while I’m there.” I had sent trunks ahead of time, and with my little French, I know that they had arrived. There were movers set to bring them into my apartment over the next few days.
“There is no existence where Paul Crane is going to allow any of that for you.”
I put my hands on my hips. “Paul no longer has a say in what I do. We’re…we’re not together.” I lowered my head to hide the dread I was sure was there. It sent my nerves into a spin that I had to shut down. Don’t think about it.
“Oh, the irony,” Dad mused as he shook his head and gestured to the pool where Mom was doing laps with a couple of her new nurse friends.
Okay. Dad was right. Paul moved my parents to Texas. But he wanted space, so he would give me the same. “Paul knows, and I also told his assistant Nicole where I’m staying. I never chose to end things between us; Paul did.”
“Please give the man a break. He feels like he should have stopped the world to protect you. He’s angry.”
“I am too, but he…he let me go.” I cleared my throat. “So, I’m moving on.”
