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Alix
We’d goneour own separate ways after the earth-shattering orgasm and the things we’d said. The things I had said. She hadn’t seemed upset that we hadn’t talked about it, but I’d been worried enough that when Erik had called, wanting to meet me, I immediately agreed even though I rarely went out in the middle of the week.
Café Carlyle was a favorite for my friends and me when we weren’t in the mood for the BDSM scene. For a lot of people, it was the perfect setting for romance, but for us, the combination of music and art suited our temperaments. Tonight, however, I barely glanced at the Marcel Vertes murals or heard the band.
Erik was already there when I arrived.
“I ordered you a Jameson,” he said as I sat down across from him.
“Everything’s going well with Tanya, I presume.”
A smile instantly bloomed on his face, lighting up his bright blue eyes. “Better than good.”
“Still in the honeymoon phase then?” I nodded to the waiter who placed my drink in front of me.
“That’s just it,” Erik said. “It’s not like we’re pretending with each other, or trying to only show our best selves. We’re still learning about each other, of course, but even when there’s something that annoys us, we’re always coming at it from a perspective of how to adapt and compromise.”
I raised an eyebrow as I took a long drink. It burned going down, settling in my empty stomach. I needed to eat something before I had much more alcohol or I wouldn’t be in condition to have a decent conversation.
“I’m serious,” he continued. “Before, I’d never wanted to have to work at it, but she’s worth it. Worth putting in the time and the effort.” He drained his glass. “I’d rather bust my ass to make things work between us than take the easy way and lose her.”
I let the silence between us sit as I finished my drink. When the waiter came back, both Erik and I ordered another drink, as well as food, then waited until he walked away to continue our conversation.
“How did you know?” I blurted out the question I’d been obsessing over since the day Jean had called to tell me that Sine had quit.
“That she was worth it?” Erik asked.
I nodded. I’d been telling the truth to Sine when I said that I wasn’t always so good at communicating with words. Pictures were my medium. But Erik always had a gift for saying what I couldn’t and understanding things I wasn’t able to say.
“The physical attraction was there right away,” he said. “But even then, it wasn’t the same as it was with other women. When I saw her, it was like a punch to the gut, like she was the only other person in the world.”
I thought about how I’d wanted to photograph Sine from the first time I met her even though she wasn’t the sort of woman who turned heads wherever she went. How when I was with her, everyone else faded away.
“And the sex...well...” He grinned at me. “I won’t kiss and tell, but it wasn’t the same with her either. It was like a piece of me that I’d ignored for years was suddenly there, and it made everything more real, more important...just more. And her subbing for me...” He shook his head as if words were actually failing him.
My stomach clenched painfully at the memory of how it felt to be in Sine’s mouth, her pussy, her ass. What it was like to see her underneath me. Kneeling in front of me. On all fours. How responsive she’d been to my touch. How much she’d enjoyed the different BDSM aspects we’d explored.
“Those were the things that made me start to think that she was different, and I still didn’t get it completely,” he kept going. “It was when I realized I wanted to spend time with her outside of the bedroom that scared the shit out of me. I found myself thinking about her in ways that weren’t just sexual. I thought about waking up next to her. Eating meals with her. Just going places and doing things. Not only date-like things but the mundane shit. Grocery shopping. Washing dishes. All that domestic stuff that I could see stretching out in front of me.”
My chest constricted, and I suddenly found it hard to breathe.
Erik’s eyes grew serious as they locked on to mine. “I knew she was it for me when I couldn’t see a future without her. When the idea of moving forward without her killed me.”
I threw back what was left of my second drink like it was a shot rather than the expensive aged whiskey that deserved to be savored. A bright edge of panic was creeping up on me, and I fought the urge to run.
“It’s that Irish girl, isn’t it?” he asked. “Sine. The one you brought to the club a couple weeks back.”
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Not that it mattered. Erik could read everything.
“Have you told her?”
I shrugged as I thought of my words this afternoon. “Sort of.”
“Take it from me,” he said. “Make it more than sort of. If she really is it for you, don’t be an ass like I was and try to talk yourself out of it. If she doesn’t feel the same way, at least you’ll know you did all you could.”
If she doesn’t feel the same way.
The words were like a bucket of ice water. I hadn’t even thought of that. I’d been so wrapped up into what I was feeling that I never stopped to consider that she might not feel the same thing. That for her, this might just be a hot fling. Something to enjoy while it lasted.
