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I let her have space. If she had something on her mind, I trusted she’d come to me with it.
That finally happened over dinner. We made pizzas together with the cheese we’d bought the day before. Once they were done, we brought our slices out back to the deck. I felt her staring at me as I took my first bite. She nibbled at her own pizza for a minute or two before putting it down with a sigh.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask a question?”
“Always. Anything you need to ask.”
She scratched her cheek, her eyebrows furrowing. “Maybe it’s not a question so much as something I figured out.”
I put my plate down on the table beside me and turned to face her. “All right. Shoot.”
“When I saw you with Clara and Nellie yesterday, it made me feel weird. I had to think about it for a while because I couldn’t really understand why my stomach ached. Last night, in bed, I realized it was because you hang out with them when I’m not around, maybe do fun stuff with them, and I don’t know anything about it. If I hadn’t run into you at the farmers’ market, I wouldn’t have known you were there.”
“I get that. You can always ask me what I do during the week. I’ll tell you.”
She had her T-shirt bunched around her fist like she was nervous. I hated her feeling that way around me, but this was pretty new territory for both of us.
“You hang out with Clara and Nellie a lot? Like, you don’t just go on dates with Clara; you see her daughter too?”
I nodded. “Not every day, but a few times a week the three of us have dinner. Sometimes, I’m there for breakfast too.”
“And you go out on the weekends?”
“We’re not going to amusement parks, Sagie. Nellie’s little. We take her to parks or on short hikes. She usually just tags along with Clara and me.”
Her hands clutched at her stomach, and she turned her head, not looking at me. “I felt weird when you were holding her. But I didn’t feel weird when she fell asleep on you at our house.”
God, this girl. So bright, too wise for her ol’ dad. She was so good at expressing herself, even when the feelings and concepts were bigger than her.
I treaded carefully with my sensitive soul. “Why do you think that is?”
She shrugged, but she knew. With a deep breath, she let the words out. “I’m jealous, Daddy.”
I took her hand in mine, holding it tight. “That makes sense. You know I love you and you’re always my priority.”
“I know.” She sniffed and turned back to me. “I like Clara and Nellie. I want you to have them; I just…why can’t I be a part of it too?”
That hadn’t been where I’d thought this was going. Not at all. She could have smacked me in the face, and I would have been less surprised.
“You…want to?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “Why don’t you want me to? Or does Clara not want me around?”
My laugh was choked and ragged. I had to take a breath to swallow back my emotions. The last thing I wanted was for Sage to feel like she wasn’t a vital piece of an important part of my life. It’s what I’d been protecting her against. Yet, here we were, exactly where I hadn’t wanted to end up. All because I was an idiot too shortsighted to see the forest for the trees.
“Not at all, baby. We both want you around. In fact, Clara was just asking me yesterday if the four of us could start having dinners a couple times a week.”
Her eyes brightened like a whole different kid was sitting next to me. “Did you tell her yes?”
“I told her I needed to talk to you. We have to take it slow this time around.”
Her brow knitted. “Why? I mean, you’ve been dating Clara for ages now. It’s not like she’s a stranger or anything.”
“No. She’s not a stranger. I trust her very much, and I would like you two to get to know each other. But I’m being cautious. I can’t forget how sad you were after Andrea disappeared on us. You thought it was your fault, and I swore I’d never put you in that situation again.”
