AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Every morning since that night in the hospital, Dane and I have exchanged good morning texts. We’ve given each other friendship kisses but haven’t crossed the line into passionate ones even though my body ignites with every touch from him.
Despite not knowing exactly when we’ll take the next step in our relationship, we’re confident that our future is meant to be shared together. We’re keeping the flame flickering but not blazing, until we both trust ourselves not to be consumed.
I continue to pack my overnight bag, filling it with gifts for the people who are present in my life.—my family of friends. Then I sit to write a paper for one of my professors who refused to let me withdraw from his class. I’ve taken all the tests, but he’s asked me to write a paper on How Math Can Help in Your Relationships.
Relationships are numbers, even the fuzzy stuff. I reflected on my past and was able to assign a number to a special person in my life. How our friendship filled my bucket. Why?
Genuine affection. His smile and hugs were there even when covered in mud or when my hair was short, and it frizzed in the summer.
Similar Interests. We loved to play games of any kind, and we were both competitive.
Opposite interests. He loved sports and reading. I loved math and science. But we were always interested in what each other had to say.
Common Values. We loved our families and each other fiercely. Loved our small town. And we both always wanted to help others, whether it was taking in a wounded turtle or helping a child climb the monkey bars.
Dane and I scored one hundred percent on all of the above.
It took almost dying for me to look at life through the lens of a mathematical equation. All of these things equal love of some kind, especially friendship, but this is only one side of the equation for the marriage kind of love.
The things that matter in everlasting love as a couple is passion, communication, and the ability to forgive. I wrote in a journal every time something went wrong between us and saw patterns of our behavior. And I knew we had work to do in the communication area.
Someone smart said, “Past results are indicative of future behavior.” And if I don’t want to repeat the things that broke us, then we have to change our communication.
I spoke with this person every day, sometimes two or three times, and we were physically together for sixteen years. I didn't realize that communication was actually our problem, but it was. After reflecting on our interactions, I realized that we were only being truthful about eighty percent of the time when we had disagreements.
Omitting the truth. Lying to save the other, instead of being completely honest and facing the dangers together or making a plan.
So, thinking about relationships in a mathematical term might not be an actual equation that a professor chalks out on the blackboard, but internally, your mind knows and makes the calculations. When your mind feels endangered, it triggers responses.
It tells you to retreat—to put space between you and what may hurt you.
I spend another hour rewording and adding examples. Statistics: professors love it when you put things in realistic terms. Math: people love things in black and white. Numbers don’t lie.
Dane and I have had long, hard conversations about how things went wrong. We’ve been honest with our friends and asked them to point out when they feel we’re hiding something from the other. Neither of us confided in our friends or asked them for advice when we broke up. We just kept it all inside, which left us with nowhere to turn.
A few nights ago, when I asked him if he was being honest, he said, “I don’t know how much more honest I can be.”
But when I asked, “Are you happy where our relationship is right now at being best friends?”
I’ll never forget the pain in his eyes when he said, “No, I want so much more.”
We held hands. “See, it wasn’t that hard to complete your thoughts. I’m asking that we complete our thoughts and leave nothing out. I don’t want to be your parents one day and not know when things started going south.”
He grabbed me in a hug and said, “Me either.”
With my laptop closed, I drive over to Reed and Brooke’s place to drop off a present to Caleb from Dane and me. We had Christmas with all of our friends, a couple of weeks ago on a Tuesday night because it was the only night the guys didn’t have a late game or practice. We played games, which is a prerequisite for any Chatham family holiday. Hagan and Harper bought everyone pajamas that said Campus Stallions Friendsmas.
“Hey, is anyone home?” I peek my head inside the door.
“Lettie!” Caleb screams and shoots like a bullet into my arms, nearly knocking me over and the presents along with it.
“I’m going to miss you while you’re visiting your grandpa.” I squeeze him extra hard. I’ve spent so much time here this semester, especially after I let my mom almost kill me. In my mind, I correct myself. No, since I willingly took what she was offering, she’s not to blame—I am.
He jumps up and down. “Are those for me?”
Brooke says, “Caleb Sweet. That isn’t polite.” Her voice is stern, and I hope I’m half the mom she is.
“Sowy, Lettie. But Mommy, the bags have dinosaurs with Santa hats.”
