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“Granny and Paps were here early because that’s when I had lost the baby. I had fallen off Diamond Mine two days before. My stomach was cramping, and I was bleeding, so I called my grandparents. We went to the doctor, and I miscarried our baby. We had a baby,” she cries out and collapses onto my lap. I stroke her hair. I cried the night she broke up with me, but this pain is worse. Partly because I wasn’t with her, and she had to go through it alone.
“I blame myself for losing the baby.”
“Shh… it’s not your fault.” Visions of a baby Lettie traipsing through the fields, hiding under her granny’s clothesline and hunting fireflies invades every corner of my brain. I blame myself for all of this.
“I’m sorry that you had to go through a miscarriage without me. We would have helped each other through it. Were you pregnant the night before you broke up with me? The night you were sick.”
“I didn’t know it then, but yes. Your dad confronted me at the ballgame, and I knew I had to let you go. I was genuinely sick to my stomach at the thought of living without you. He assured me we loved each other so much that when the time was right, we could be together.”
With our foreheads pressed together, we mourn the loss of our baby. One that was created with so much love. A life created between two people who have been together nearly every day for sixteen years. Tears roll down our faces, and I tilt her chin up to look in her eyes. “I love you. We’ll celebrate our baby’s birthday every year. We’ll fill our home with children, laughter, singing, and love.”
“That sounds perfect.” Her lips, cracked from dehydration, press against mine. But they feel lighter and softer than they ever have. I tuck her head into my chest, and I can finally breathe.
“One step at a time.”
“This time, let’s take it slow and learn to be friends again.”
We stepped out of bounds, but this time, we’re standing on the line and shooting to win.
Chapter Forty-Five
LETTIE - SIX WEEKS LATER
How lucky am I to have friends that know me so well and love me so much? If Brooke wouldn’t have sensed something was wrong, and rushed over, I may not be alive today.
My mom never visited me during my hospital stay or at home, but I'm grateful she informed the nurse about the medication she had given me. I had finally decided to go to Dane’s big game and see if he was in love with another woman and desperately hoped that I had misunderstood his text, so I took my ADHD medicine for the first time, due to being pregnant, even after I fell off of Diamond Mine and miscarried.
I believed my birth mother’s motives were genuine rather than solely driven by money. Emotions cascaded when I found her on my doorstep, but I now understand she only wanted money from me.
She didn’t apologize for being a shitty parent, and it’s been two months without her contacting me. I hope she’s getting help, but regardless, she won’t be part of my life.
I don’t push my feelings to the side anymore; I own them. I do my best to say them aloud even if I’m the only one in the room.
“I don’t need the woman who birthed me. I refuse to say the words, ‘my mom!’” I shout.
There, that feels better.
When I look at my phone, I listen to a voicemail and then send off a message to Dane.
Me: Morning. How do you feel about spending New Year’s Eve at the football stadium?
Dane: Morning, bestie. Why?
Unable to contain my excitement, I call. “You’re not going to believe this, but the country duo that was headlining the New Year’s Eve party at Stallions Stadium backed out. One of them has laryngitis. And they want us to do a set.”
He sighs. “We play Louisville that day. I only have Christmas Day off, so I won’t have much time to practice.”
“We’ll put on a show for Granny and Paps. They’ll love it.”
“And Mom. Don’t forget my mom.”
This is the first Christmas that Dane will spend without his dad. Mrs. Greathouse filed for divorce, and Dane hasn’t spoken to his dad since he caught him cheating on his mom. I wish I didn’t know how he felt, but I do. There’s a spot inside, reserved for your parents, no matter what they do. Unfortunately, it’s a really hard place to fill.
“This will be the first time your mom has had dinner at my house and then we can go to your basement and practice.”
Dane says, “I wish we… yeah, we’ll practice in the basement and then sing for fifty thousand people. If you’re up for it, I’m in. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, Bug.”
“Eeek, so excited. Thanks, Dane the Great.”
