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“She’ll be safe with you,” CJ adds. I send her a pointed look. I hadn’t even thought about the whole keeping her safe part. I’m a mess. How can they think that I’d be a good fit?
“They’ll be an officer stationed at your building. We’ve already been there to set up,” Todd tells everyone.
Did everyone know about this except for me? I look at Damon, narrowing my eyes, and he quickly looks away. Really, jackass?
“Addison, I’ll come to your apartment daily to work with Lexi. And Dr. Price will be on call, if you need her.” I sigh when I realize I’ve just lost this battle.
“Keep us informed with any information you get,” Todd states to everyone before leaving the group.
Damon nods and mouths, “Call me if you need me.” He follows Todd out.
Dr. Terry goes back into Lexi’s room. I blow out an exasperated breath, looking at Dr. Price. “Really? You think this is a good idea?” My voice shakes with uncertainty.
She puts her hand on my shoulder. “I do.” She smiles. “I also think Lexi will help you as much as you will help her.” I look at her like she’s grown two heads. “Addison, I know you believe in fate. It comes up a lot in our conversations. Well, I believe fate put you in that exact spot to find Lexi for a reason.” She releases her hand and turns to walk away. She stops and looks back over her shoulder. “Maybe instead of hating you, fate is helping you heal.”
This is good. I needed to get out of my apartment, I tell myself as I run through Central Park. I blow out a long exhale.
Lies. If I hadn’t been kicked out of my own apartment, I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be with Lexi, making sure that doctor wasn’t making things worse.
How the hell did she think I would act when she told Lexi straight out that her mom, dad, and brother were dead? I mean, what the hell? She’s just a little kid who’s gone through something tragic. How about showing some compassion for the child. Does she really need to hear that now? I shake my hands out trying to calm my anger. My pace picks up just thinking about it again. I was told I could come back at eleven, so I’m glancing at my watch repeatedly.
By the time it’s eleven, I’m pacing the lobby.
“It’s eleven, Addison,” the security guard says, flashing me a warm smile.
“Thanks,” I say, running to the stairs. I don’t feel like waiting for the elevator. Lexi might need me. When I approach my door, I stop myself from barging in. Putting my hands on my knees, I take in a few deep breaths.
She’s fine, Addison.
Dr. Terry comes out, and her lips curl up when she sees me. “Addison, how are you doing?” That’s a loaded question. I narrow my eyes at the doctor.
“Doctor, you’re not here for me.” I have enough of my own doctors so I don’t need another one psychoanalyzing me.
“I’m just asking the person who is the caregiver of Lexi. Nothing else,” she says innocently but grins. I nod, even though I know that’s a load of bullshit. “I know you think that I wasn’t being sensitive to Lexi’s situation earlier, but I need you to understand a few things before I leave. First, kids need the truth. They have active imaginations, so if you’re not truthful with them, they will fill in the blanks with their own make believe. Next, Lexi will have triggers. Good and bad. Since we don’t know much about what Lexi saw, we don’t know what that will be yet. You want to encourage the good and be with her to get through the bad. I heard you experienced an outburst with Lexi when you were with Agent Flores.” I wince, remembering the scream. She nods once, understanding. “Also, when she does start talking, don’t be surprised at anything she asks. Explain it to her in kid terms, but be truthful.”
I sigh loudly. How will I ever be able tell that sweet girl something that will hurt her? I hang my head, but nod in resignation.
I watch Lexi on the couch, staring mindlessly at the cartoons on TV. Today marks the third day she’s been here with me, and she still won’t talk. She’s watching TV, eating, or sleeping. She does respond to me with tiny smiles for certain things, like food or TV shows, but that’s about it. Dr. Terry tells me that’s progression.
She’s had a couple rough nights. I stopped taking my sleeping pills so I can be there for her when she wakes from her nightmares. It seems like my demons jumped ship and invaded her dreams. I’d take them back just so she didn’t have to go through it. It’s gut wrenching to hear her screams. When I snuggle her close to me, I hum “This Little Light of Mine,” and it’s not too long before she settles and drifts back to sleep for the rest of the night. I don’t even know where I learned that song.
The first night I put her to sleep in the guest bedroom and ended up falling asleep with her in there after a nightmare. The second night I put her in her room again, and the sneaky little girl somehow made it into my bed before I was even asleep, curled up into a ball behind me, and fell asleep. I’m not even sure I’m supposed to let her do that, but hell if I care. There is no way I could tell those pitiful, caramel eyes no. I’m going to totally suck at parenting. My kid will get away with everything. The image of a sweet boy with emerald green eyes flashes in front of me. I gasp in surprise, shaking my thoughts from my head.
Where did that come from?
My phone rings, distracting me from my daydream. I glance at Lexi, and she still hasn’t moved. I sigh as I answer the phone. “Hey, Syd.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” she says.
“I don’t know what to do to help her. She still hasn’t said anything. I need your help. You’re so much better with kids than I am,” I whine.
She giggles. “That’s for sure. Have y’all eaten lunch yet?”
“No, Dr. Terry just left.”
“Okay, then I’ll bring lunch. See you in a few.”
I blow out my cheeks, hanging up the phone. Maybe Sydney can sprinkle some of her fairy dust on Lexi and help her come alive.
