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He twists his lips and slowly nods. His eyes never leave mine. He suddenly lunges for me leaving me no time to react. I tumble to the ground with him on top of my back. My chest heaves as I lie there, feeling paralyzed.
“Fight, Addison,” he says in my ear. I shake my head over and over.
“Please get off of me,” I snarl. My nose starts to tickle as tears fill my eyes.
“No,” he says sternly. “Make me get off of you.” He grabs one of my hands and shoves it between us against my back. I cry out and squeeze my eyes shut, my forehead on the cold, dead grass. What is he doing? Why is he doing this? Can’t he see I don’t want to fight him?
“Addison, I know you’re in there. Fight me, dammit!” he barks out.
The tears burn my face as confusion blurs my mind. I dig my free hand into the grass, grabbing a piece of the earth. His body is heavy on top of me, and I can feel the heat from his breath on my neck. It’s not until his hand grabs my ass that my whole body hardens. The thin string that is holding my entire world together snaps.
Unexpected rage flows through me, and my body heats up. Fuck this! I plant my foot and a free hand on the ground and push with everything that I have. “NO! Get the fuck off of me!” I scream as I flip us over onto his back and then jump off of him. He doesn’t waste any time, he’s back on his feet within a second, coming at me again.
Nothing but our grunts and occasional curse words can be heard as we spar in the grass. My focus is no longer to flee, but to take him down. I don’t even know when it changed. I can tell I don’t have as much energy as I used to have, but I have enough to fight.
Sweat runs down my forehead as we both lie on our backs, panting heavily. Maybe it’s just me panting; I can’t tell right now. My breaths are too loud. I can’t believe I just did that. Even though my body aches, I feel more alive right now than I have in the last month. The adrenaline pumping through my body feels awesome.
Tony sits up, craning his neck to look back at me. He flashes a sly smile. “Training starts tomorrow. Be at Luke’s Gym by nine,” he says. He stands and watches my stunned look for a second before he walks back to his car.
I continue to lie on the cool grass, hearing his car drive off. What the hell just happened?
Every day, I feel one step closer to feeling normal. The fog that permeates my mind has started to lift. I’ve been training almost daily with Tony for a month now. I still haven’t got out of him why he’s here, or why he’s staying, but I have a feeling it’s because of Aiden. Max continues to visit weekly, and he won’t say anything either. Last week when he was here I asked how Aiden was doing. His reply? Call him, he’ll answer. That night I stared at my phone for an hour trying to muster up the courage to dial his number. I couldn’t do it. I said horrible things to him, and I wouldn’t blame him if he hated me. The consequences of my words have no doubt haunted me daily. I’m not ready to hear his voice. And I’m definitely not ready to hear him reject me.
Obviously Max told Aiden about our conversation because I just got a text. I need to remind myself that Max is Aiden’s best friend, so I need to keep my mouth shut if I don’t want it getting back to him. I look down at my phone once again and sigh.
Aiden: “One Call Away” by Charlie Puth
I wiggle my earbuds in my ear, lean back on my bed, and press play on my phone. With my eyes closed, I imagine Aiden singing me this song. His deep, raspy voice. God, I miss his voice. Why can’t I just call him? He obviously doesn’t hate me. I guess I’ll need to take a few more steps, a few more days, to get back to that normal.
“Addie,” I barely hear. If I weren’t being shaken, I probably wouldn’t have even heard it. I open my eyes to Amy standing over me. I must have fallen asleep. Aiden’s song is still playing through the earbuds, so I slip one out of my ear and look at Amy.
“What’s up?” I ask.
“I thought we were going out riding, and I know how much you hate missing out on riding Rusty. It’ll be dark before too long,” she says, sitting down on my bed.
“Oh, sorry. I must have fallen asleep.” To a gorgeous, green-eyed man singing to me. I don’t tell her that, though. I know what she’ll say. Call him. It seems to be the consensus. There is still so much I need to work through before I go down that road. The song is playing on repeat, so I grab my phone and press stop, then swing my legs over the bed. I grip Amy’s hand, pulling her up.
“Let’s go. I don’t want to keep Rusty waiting.”
Rusty, a big, beautiful, chestnut gelding, has become my best friend. I chuckle when I think about the reason I wouldn’t ride before, that I wouldn’t have control. When I’m on Rusty’s back, the saddle in between my legs, the leather straps in my palms and we’re flying through the open fields, I’ve never felt more in control of everything. My body. My life. My sanity. It’s a feeling of being free. I yearn for that feeling so I’m out riding Rusty whenever I can.
“Syd is coming out next weekend,” I tell Amy as we trot along the banks of a creek that runs through the back part of the ranch.
“That’s awesome. I can’t wait to see her,” she replies. “Is Max coming, too?”
“No. I told him Syd was coming so he didn’t need to check up on me.” I roll my eyes. “I mean, he can call to see how I’m doing. I still can’t believe he flies here almost every weekend to see me.”
“You have a lot of people who care for you and want you to get better.”
I sigh and nod. I know I’m on the road to recovery. The scars on my body have faded, and I’m working on the emotional ones. They may never go away, but I’ll make damn sure they don’t ruin my life.
“You ready?”
I gaze out the small airplane window, watching the bags get loaded one by one up the conveyor belt.
“Hey,” Tony says, hitting my leg with his. I look over at him. Poor guy. He barely fits into his seat, and not because he’s overweight. He’s built a lot like Max, just a slight bit smaller. “I asked if you were ready, but you seem somewhere else.”
“Sorry, I was just zoning out,” I say, smiling at him. Tony has been by my side for the last two months, pushing me to get better every day. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank him enough. “Yes, I’m ready. Thanks to you.” I grab his hand and squeeze it.
