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“If I die loving someone, then I die.” I walk toward the city bus stop, holding back my laughter.
“Oh my god, Alara.” He pulls out his wallet just as the bus comes to a stop and pays our fare, not missing a beat. “It’s not the same thing. Please don’t hug the raccoon.”
“Don’t put me in a box, Cal.” I take a seat, and he drops down into the one beside me.
“You can’t go around hugging wild animals.” He opens my bag, takes out the phone, and googles rabies. “I’m being serious.”
“I can tell.” I nod. “You’re googling it and everything.”
“My brother hugged a bear once.” An older man adds from two rows back, and Calder turns, shooting daggers at him with his eyes.
“Sir, you’re really not helping.”
“Wasn’t trying to help. Just letting her know that it’s entirely possible to hug a wild animal.” He clicks his tongue, “Yup. Hugged the hell out of that bear, right before it woke up. Lost his hand and his eye to a pissed-off bear, but he did it. Once.”
“Fuck.” I grimace. “That feel-good story took a quick sharp turn.”
“Maybe don’t hug wild animals?” The old man grins with a wink.
“You’re still going to hug the raccoon, aren’t you?” Calden asks, putting the phone back into my bag and zipping it up.
“No, Cal. I’m still going to try to hug Jasper. There’s a difference.”
The bus comes to a stop in front of the business plaza, and we gather our things and get off. The day is quickly heating up, and I’m already ready to go home, but I don’t complain. If Calden knows how nervous I am to go into this building, he’ll throw me over his shoulder and take me home. The only way out is through, so here we go.
I see Aaron before Calden does, and I cross my fingers.
“There you two are.” He smiles, opening the door to the office for us. “I’ll show you where to put your things and where you’ll both be working today.”
“Fantastic.” Calden doesn’t even try to hide his disdain, and I pinch his leg, reminding him that right now we need this.
“I know this isn’t where you want to be, Calden.” Aaron lowers his voice so that the rest of the staff doesn’t overhear him. “I don’t want to be working here either, but we do what we have to do in order to earn the things we want in life, right?”
Aaron looks from Cal to me and back, and I feel something unspoken pass between them. It was fast, and I don’t know what it means, but it wasn’t nothing.
“I get that neither of you trusts me yet, but I swear this is on the up and up. No games or tricks. The positions were open anyway. All I did was ask my dad to give you two a chance. After everything that’s happened, I thought it was the least we could do,” Aaron adds, and from what I can tell, he’s being honest. Either that, or he’s gotten really good at hiding his tells.
“I appreciate the chance,” I reply, surprised that I actually mean it.
“Come on, let’s get her to her desk, and then I’ll take you to the valet booth.”
“You mean that thing?” I point to what looks like an oversized phone booth.
“Yeah,” he replies, pushing the up button on the elevator. “But I figured Calden would prefer to walk you to your desk and take a look around before settling into his own.”
“Thanks, man.” Cal speaks for the first time since we’ve arrived, and it wasn’t a threat. Holy. Fuck.
“No thanks necessary.” Aaron smiles awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m trying this new thing called consideration for others. It’s a work in progress.”
“Seems to be going well. I haven’t had to factory reset your manners by hitting you in the face yet today.” Cal chuckles.
“And I appreciate that. Here we are.” The elevator doors open to an elegantly decorated waiting room. Tall-back, wooden chairs upholstered in creams and mint green fabrics are placed along the walls, and instead of crumpled magazines, real books litter the tables, calling out to me, and Aaron notices. “Help yourself.”
“Don’t mind if I do.” I lift two from the first table we pass. “Hardbacks, Cal. Hard. Backsss.”
I want to be embarrassed by the fact that I’m already letting down my guard a bit. As much as I try to hide it, I’m tired of always being strong, and my mask is slipping. Sometimes, it’s easier to convince yourself you don’t want something than it is to convince the people around you that you deserve it. After all, how can you show someone else you’re worthy when you’ve never even believed it yourself? But standing here, I feel stuck between my reality with Calden and the life we could have had with Aaron. A life like everyone else. Jobs. Friends. Holidays. And normal conversations. A life where we make plans and dream about our futures. Things I’ve only ever stood a chance of experiencing through the pages of books like these. Where people like me conquer problems like mine instead of sinking under the weight of them.
I take a deep breath and shake it off. As much as I want to, I can’t let the mask slip. They will never accept me as I am. Hell, they barely accept the mask.
