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“So…” Aaron stops and leans against a long dark counter, tapping twice against the shiny top. “This is where you’ll be working, Alara.”
“Fancy.” I smile, pushing the thoughts from my mind as best I can.
I run my fingers across the cool marble counter, knowing this room is probably worth more than our entire home. The opulence is so overwhelming that my skin is crawling, and I can feel my truths etched on my flesh in unyielding scars, a blaring billboard of not belonging. If I had died with our mothers, could Calden have had a life like this? If I wasn’t so heavy, so needy, so fucking damaged, could he have felt normal with everyone else? I pushed for this, but now I want nothing more than to ask Calden to take me home, to tell him he was right and stop trying, but this isn’t about me, it’s about making things right. For him and for my father.
“Computer.” Aaron pulls a small envelope from his pocket and hands it to me. “That is your login information from the IT department. It’s sealed. Open it, and follow the steps to reset your password. HIPPA is no joke, so don’t share it with anyone. You took the online training, right?”
“Yup.” I reach for the back of my chair.
“Hold up.” Aaron kneels down, reaching under the desk. “We have over an hour until patients will start coming in. You have plenty of time for that. I still need to show you both around the office and get Calden back downstairs.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.” Fuck. Hi, I’m Alara, and I don’t know how to function like a normal person. Get it together, bitch.
“Don’t be silly.” He waves off my apology. Cool, I’ll just obsess about it for the next three months.
“Yeah. No. Okay. You’re right.” Great job. Nailed it. I want to peel off my skin and throw myself out the window. One of these things just doesn’t belong here… Spoiler alert… it’s me. I try to hide the slight tremble in my hands. The logical part of my brain is telling me no one can tell, but the louder voice is screaming that this is a mistake. I’m a mistake. And everyone knows it. I bite my lower lip, trying to focus on the physical pain to drown out the storm ripping me apart inside. How can I expect the world to understand and accept me for what I am when none of it is real? There are no weeping wounds to heal. No proof of my pain. Nothing to treat.
I can feel their eyes on me. A million microscopes studying me, dissecting me, and deeming me unworthy. It’s all I can feel until… it isn’t. Cal’s hand slides across my lower back, and like a life raft in the middle of a raging storm, he pulls me up for air.
“Let’s get you a drink of water.” Aaron looks between us, sensing a shift in my demeanor, but doesn’t ask. I hate it, but I fight back tears of appreciation for the man who, only last week, didn’t just cross my boundaries. He leaped right fucking over them.
“Right behind you.” Cal nods, slipping his hand in mine as soon as Aaron turns his back. “I’ve got you. You’re safe. I love you.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, embarrassed as fuck, but mask it with humor. Grinning. “You can’t take me anywhere. Can you?”
“You’re stronger than you know and braver than you can see.” He squeezes my hand once. “Just take a moment and breathe through it.”
“Here you go.” Aaron opens the fridge, takes out three bottles of water, and hands one to each of us. “It can be a bit overwhelming. I remember my first day.” He motions to a round table in the far corner. “This one is my favorite. If you sit on this side” –he points to three chairs nestled in the corner and hidden by a large cabinet– “you are out of sight from anyone walking by. But see the mirror above the middle snack rack? Those are free for employees, by the way.”
“Yeah?” I study the mirror, waiting for him to finish his explanation, when Cal barks out a laugh.
“Was it a happy coincidence, or did you put the mirror there so you could see who was coming in before they saw you?” He lifts a bag of M&M's from the counter, rips the corner of the bag, and hands it to me. “You’re looking kinda pale. Eat.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I take the bag and the seat in the corner, my mind finally catching up with Cal and Aaron. “Can I just work from here?”
“Don’t think I haven’t tried to.” Aaron waits for Cal to sit next to me, gestures to the seat on my other side, and asks, “May I?”
“Of course. Don’t be silly. I can’t kick you out of your own clubhouse.” I force a smile, trying to make half the effort they are.
“So…” Aaron settles in beside me. “I’m not trying to assume anything here, but I’m just going to get this out, and you can choose what you both want to do with it. If you want me to fuck off and never mention it again, I’ll do that. If you want to talk about it, that’s cool too. Okay?”
“Ominous,” I tease but reach for Cal’s hand again under the table.
“Doesn’t have to be. Relax, it’s just us in here, and we both know your bodyguard won’t hesitate to kick my ass.” Aaron winks, trying to break the tension. “I remember what it was like for you two. I also know I haven’t been a good friend to either of you these past few years.”
“You can say that again,” Calden scoffs.
“I can if you want me to.” He lowers his gaze. “I’ve been a really shitty person and an even shittier friend. I was immature and blamed you both for something neither of you caused. But that doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten what it was like. I know you’re hiding things, and that’s okay. I wanted to show you where I go when things are too much, and now you can too. There’s no shame in stumbling.” He lifts his hand, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I’m slowly learning that myself.”
We sit there in silence for a beat, drinking in the moment. Our own little kumbaya in the chaos. If I didn’t feel so ridiculous right now, I would think we’re growing, but fuck it.
“Thanks, man.” Calden reaches across the table, offering his hand to Aaron, and they shake.
“Don’t mention it.” He looks from Cal to me. “Anxiety isn’t logical, Alara.”
“What? I don’t—” I furrow my brow, stopping myself before I lie to him. Turns out he’s not the emotional idiot I thought he was. “You’re more observant than you get credit for.”
“Turns out all three of us mask well.” He winks. “Ready to finish the tour?”
