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Cool air crossed over my entrance until he was back, heat radiating from his lower body, his strong knees pressing between mine, as he inched himself closer until his thick length poked at my entrance.
“You’ve done this before, right?” he asked. I nodded, lying because I was too frozen in the moment to tell him Brad and I had never gone that far. Petting, yes, but never full sex. Although I hadn’t told him I was a virgin, Donnie entered me slowly, with care and concern, and whenever I’d flinched, he stopped instantly.
“Am I hurting you?” he asked. I bit my lip, thanking my lucky stars it was dark and he probably couldn’t have seen the faces I made. “Is this okay?” he asked softly again, before he went deeper. A tear streaked from my eye, and I had refused to wipe it, but my heart ached for betraying Bradley. Yet, even as that thought ran through my mind, I had still wanted Donnie to continue.
The sex itself was over in minutes and Donnie panted heavily on top of me. A few moments later, he slid off me and stood up on the barn floor. Fumbling in the dark, I felt sticky so I took off my panties and wiped between my legs.
“I’m going to get rid of this,” he mumbled, and I lay back on the hay and that was the last I remembered.
Waking to shards of light streaking through holes in the wooden barn where small gaps had formed over time, nausea came in waves as I held my pounding head while I tried hard to assimilate what the hell had happened, and how I’d gotten into the Clark’s barn.
At first, there wasn’t much coming forth, but when clipped images floated through my mind about what we had done; I shook my head in disbelief. Although alarmed by the images in my thoughts, I initially thought I’d had an erotic dream. Afterall, I had woken up alone and Donnie was nowhere to be seen. Yet as I clambered to my feet the discomfort between my legs shattered my denial that we hadn’t done anything wrong.
A strong jolt of electricity pierced through my heart when clearer memories from that night began to filter into my brain. Panic then scattered my thoughts in a million different directions. Anxiously my eyes scanned over the barn floor and my heart stopped for a beat the moment I saw my white blood-streaked panties crumbled in a heap about a foot from my shoe.
Fear, shame, and worry mixed a heady cocktail when mingled with the alcohol left in my system. It fueled an adrenaline burst that only served to add to the chaos I already felt. My chest grew tighter and tighter as I staggered around the floor and snatched up my underwear. I hadn’t known which way to turn, what to do, or how come to terms with how stupid I had been.
Startled by the sound of a tractor in the distance, I knew I had to get home. I had no idea what time it was and with no watch on, I was almost certain I’d already been missed. Oh, God, I’m dead, I thought as I snuck out of the barn and ran down the hill to our land.
At first, I felt relieved when I saw no movement from the back of our house. Sneaking along the fence boundary between our two parcels of land, l kept out of sight until I came to the side of our house.
My mom’s going to kill me, I thought. I’d believed there was no way my mom hadn’t missed me, but as I kept my eyes on the back patio doors, I felt relieved each time I encountered no movement.
I’d almost made it to the perimeter of our building line when my mother suddenly opened the patio door. Frozen to the spot, I waited for her to let loose on me.
For a few moments I held my breath as she eyed me up and down. “Well, that’s a far better improvement, Patty. You should always wear dresses instead of that baggie ensemble you insist upon. However, I insist you go back upstairs and brush that braid out, you look like you’ve slept in it… and put some moisturizer on your face, now’s the time to take care of your skin. You’ll thank me when you’re fifty and wrinkle-free.”
“Yeah, I was going to do my hair after breakfast,” I mumbled, not believing my luck that she hadn’t known I had been gone.
“No point in wearing a lovely dress that shows off your figure if you forget the rest of your appearance.” Relief washed through me that she had no idea I’d been out all night. I’d been too far away for her to accurately assess what I’d been wearing when I’d left the house the day before.
“Actually, I don’t feel too well today, hay fever, and I think I’m coming down with something… a summer cold maybe? I think I’ll go back to bed,” I mumbled, flashing her my most pathetic expression and hugging myself. My panties were scrunched tight in my hand and I knew I had to get away from her.
I held my breath when she stepped forward and felt my forehead. “You do look a bit washed out, but I can’t feel a temperature. Take a shower at least before you go back to bed, that way if you do develop a fever it’ll help to cool you down.” I didn’t understand the reasoning behind some of the things my mom said, but I nodded obediently and didn’t talk back.
“All right, I’ll catch you later,” I said, as my heart pounded and a wave of relief ran though me as I walked away.
“I’ll check in on you later … bring you some soup,” she called after me in her matter- of-fact tone.
* * *
Fast forward ten weeks and my mom put me through an emotional wringer to the point where I barely recognized myself. I was a schoolgirl in my senior year, concealing a pregnancy at my mother’s insistence.
The day I told her she went ballistic, screaming and shouting what a slut I was and freaking out about her reputation. She told me I’d ruined my life. At one point she suggested I name the father and tell the police he raped me. But that would have been a lie, and I’d never have wrecked someone else’s life because of the mistakes I’d made.
Unfortunately, Donnie Clark hadn’t felt the need to show the same loyalty toward me as I’d shown toward him. He, Alice, and my other so-called friends had heard rumors and not wanting to be associated with me, they made themselves scarce. However, turning their backs on me was one thing, but it hadn’t stopped their tongues from wagging. It came as a real bombshell when I found out my friends had deserted me.
“Can I have a word?” Donnie called out after the bus dropped us both off at the end of the path, a week after I’d found out I was expecting his baby. Mom had warned me not to tell the father or she’d wash her hands of me. I was scared and knew I could never have coped being homeless at sixteen with a baby, and by that point I had felt scared of everything.
After the way he’d behaved, he was the last person I’d wanted to talk to. Ignoring him, I walked briskly up the hill to get away from him, but it was obvious he’d been waiting for a private opportunity to talk to me. As he gained speed behind me, I swallowed hard to stem back tears.
“Is it true?” he asked, running past me and jogging backward as I continued at the same pace I had set.
“What?” I asked, flashing him a puzzled look like I had no clue what he was talking about. The school rumors about him sleeping with me could only have been started by him.
“A baby?” he asked hurriedly. My feet instantly faltered as did my heart.
“What!” I shrieked, instantly panicking. How could he know? I took a breath and tried to remain calm. “Baby?” I asked, sounding deadpan that time, when inside I was falling apart. Somehow my feet began moving again. Scowling, I shoved past him and cast a glance in his direction that told him I’d thought he was nuts.
