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“You’re doing great, darlin’,” I mumbled and winked.
“And I’m so thankful he didn’t give up, because believe me I must have been a pain,” she said after a moment, and I saw her swallow back her emotions. “Anyhow, we’re here now at this point in our journey Sawyer, me, and Colby, and I’m speaking on my son’s behalf also when I say you have no idea how thankful we are for our new family and how very grateful we are to you all. I’m sorry, Tammy, because I’m sure the beans are definitely cold now, except for two… the ones I’m carrying inside me.” Billie rubbed her torso and the look of shock on all of their faces had made saving our news well worth the wait.
“Two? Two? You’re having twins?” they all appeared to say simultaneously, and Tammy slid back her chair and came running around from the opposite side of the table.
“Who gives a fuck about the beans, we have a microwave somewhere,” she shrieked, and my eyes flared wide because I’d never heard Tammy react so animatedly before in all of my life. The kids all jumped up and down, Milly holding Colby’s hand as Belle, Bethany, and Brock took the opportunity to play a dancing game until my dad banged the table and calmed everyone down.
“This truly is a day to be thankful for all the gifts the universe has bestowed on us, but if I don’t get something to eat soon there will be one less person around this table by the time Billie and Sawyer’s babies arrive.”
As we all settled down and began piling up our plates the food was indeed stone-cold, but no one complained because the news we had given them had sparked a whole different kind of conversation to the one they had expected.
The women in the family were overjoyed about the news, each of them promising support and I could see them all making mental shopping lists of items they wanted to buy. My parents discussed where we would live, my mom insisting children needed gardens, but Billie gently reminded her there was a couple of years before it came to this, and that we’d been happy in our apartment.
I had one ear on their conversation and the rest of my attention on Belle, who had made it down from the table. She had been trying to squeeze between my food and me, to climb onto my lap, when James caught my eye.
“Congratulations, Saw, you’re going to be a great dad,” James said, and I noted his tone was a little off. Scooting my chair back, I lifted my tiny niece onto my lap and as I considered his reaction which had been somewhat less enthusiastic compared to the others.
At first I had thought it another instance of jealousy, but when I saw sadness in his smile a flashback to the New Year’s killed this thought dead. It suddenly hit me that at one time he’d gone through some of the feelings I’d experienced during that previous five weeks, and those early feelings and building anticipation of being a father. However, James never had the chance to tell anyone and his baby’s dreadful outcome was far less kind than mine.
With no words of comfort to offer him, I sat staring at him, our similar eyes locked in a moment where I had no relief to give. Eventually I gave him a small nod and accepted his compliment, feeling inadequate at my temporary loss of something to say, when Lorna called my name. This gave me the excuse to break the awkward moment that had grown between us, and I’m ashamed to say I felt relieved to look away.
A few hours after dinner, my brother skipped out on us, saying he had somewhere else to be, and I wondered if this had really been the case or he’d found being around everyone again too much, as this had been the first time we’d all been together since our wedding. I was trying hard to find the closeness with James that I had with my sisters, but though our years of closeness I mostly knew how the girls ticked, with my brother I had to accept that we may always be a work in progress.
