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"Then let me fill you in on the positives of what I do a moment. When I see an audience sing, dance, and get lost in the words of a song that I wrote, I imagine their lives. Did they put their kids to bed before they came to see us? Did they have a hard day's work that day, be that physically or mentally? Or maybe they don't have a job at all, however, by some twist they'd made it to our gig on that particular night. Then, I think about how I feel when I sing to them and the feeling of freedom and privilege it gives me doing what I love and sharing it with them."
"I hadn't imagined a guy in a band would think all of that," I mused, not expecting such a profound answer.
"To some of our fans, our performance may only be an hour and a half of escapism, but for others, it might be a lifetime memory because of who they were with or what happened before or after. But for me, it's a spiritual connection with all of them through the lyrics of the song."
"Those are deep thoughts."
"They may be, or you can choose not to see the good in what you do and let life pass you by. Life is full of games of chance, fated meetings, or opportunities, but sometimes you need to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and be open to all of those situations."
"That's fine if you're carefree, but with responsibilities, it isn't easy to just make decisions like that. My life wouldn't fit with the chaos of chance," I snapped. I sounded a little more defensive than I'd been aiming for.
"Maybe that's how you think because of what happened to you. Your attitude is that of a victim right now, and I get that. Your husband fucked you over and left you for someone you regard as better than you."
"Better than me?"
"Yeah, I'm great at reading people and I saw how you looked at her in that wine bar. How your shoulders slumped like you thought you couldn't compete, how you immediately wished you were younger and how you hated her for taking your husband away from you. I knew very little about you then, but it didn't take a mastermind to read your body language or the hurt in your gorgeous blue eyes, despite the little bit you'd shared with me," he informed me gently, as he twirled his dessert spoon in a small circular motion at my face.
"I never knew I was so transparent," I mumbled, feeling naked and shocked at how intuitive he had been to have read all that in my eyes.
"Can I ask you something?" he probed, his face solemn, his serious eyes boring into mine.
"Sure," I replied. But I felt anything other than that.
"How can you readily accept your husband has run off with someone younger but can't fathom that someone younger, someone like me, could be attracted to you?"
I shrugged, like he had a point and dismissed it. "It's different for men."
"Is that so?" he asked. The question in his disappointed tone cut into me.
"Yes," I replied with more than a degree of determination in mine.
"Bullshit," he cursed in frustration and leaned closer across the table. Reaching out again, he smoothed my bangs from my suspicious eyes and stared intently into them again.
"You, Billie—and I am not lying or pulling a number on you when I say this—are a very beautiful woman. You have this … aura, for lack of a better word, and I can't stop looking at you. You have this draw, this magnetism, that pulls me in."
"Mm-hmm," I said. Heat rushed to my cheeks because I didn't dare believe his smooth, slick-talking. Having been married for as long as I was, it felt like a line to get into my pants.
Sawyer blew a long breath through his nose and his annoyance flitted over his face. Immediately after this, I watched his eyes lose their frustration and soften.
"I don't know what that guy did to rob you of your self-worth, but he did a number on you. Trust me, your ex-husband didn't deserve you. How we met and what happened between us was the weirdest event of my life so far, but I don't feel I'm wrong about the strong feelings or the definite chemistry that passed between us during that kiss."
"This is embarrassing …"
"No, it isn't, we were two consenting adults. When you gave yourself up to me like that, I'll admit I was shocked, but I hadn't been ready to stop when I did. Do you think I'd waste my time here with you if I didn't feel there was something worth exploring between us?"
"The same question had crossed my mind, about you wasting your time. I mean, there are millions of pretty girls out there waiting for you."
"Maybe. But right now, you're the one I'm with. And from my perspective, there's only one beautiful woman."
"There. That's my problem, right there."
"Excuse me? Did I miss something?"
"Right now."
"What are you looking for? What do you want me to say?"
"I'm not a right now kind of person?" I told him.
