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"Poor choice of words. What I meant was I'm very attracted to you, we've got an amazing connection, and I'd like to see where this goes."
"I'm not looking for a relationship."
"So why are you worried? Why can't we just have some fun and see how this develops?"
"I don't want to be someone's bit of fun and I don't want something to develop. I'm much older than you."
"You're scared."
I scoffed, and my gaze drifted. "Of course I am. You have no idea what I went through." He placed his warm palm against my cheek. My eyes immediately met his again. He licked his lips and frowned, but his gaze held steady to mine.
"Love hurts, Billie. Whether we're with someone or not. Like you, I've been burned, and for a while, I was down on my fucking knees. Newsflash, betrayal fucked with my mind, but I survived. I've also had the benefit of a sneak peek at how your husband discarded your feelings. You've got to push the negatives you carry from that relationship away and let someone else step in. We're not all like him. I'm not like him."
"You don't know—"
"What it's like? That is what you were going to say, right?"
"I just told you I do. I was in a long-term relationship for … six years. I came home from a tour two days early, when the last gig was canceled, and found my live-in girlfriend in our bed, bouncing naked in my older brother's lap!" Hurt dimmed his usually bright hazel eyes at the memory and my heart squeezed tight for him.
"I'm sorry, I had no idea."
"Don't be, it is what it is. James and Charlotte deserve one another. This isn't about them. All I want is to help you to start living again," he said softly, taking my hand in his.
"Forget age and baggage. Forget everything. You're attracted to me. Otherwise, we wouldn't have gotten this far tonight, right?"
Fresh heat crept into my cheeks, stunned by how forthright he was. My heartbeat thudded rapidly as his thumb scored over my knuckles, and I knew I hadn't felt more emotionally connected to anyone in years. Still, there were flags, mostly red, frantically waving in front of my eyes.
Despite reservations too numerous to count, I nodded. "Yes, I am." My nervous confession, once out there, filled me with relief. It was quickly washed away by fresh doubts, yet Sawyer had filled me with enough courage to admit this.
"Don't be scared, Billie. I get that we hardly know one another, but believe me—there's a link between us—a connection I've never felt for anyone else. When I looked out at the audience and saw you in there tonight, my heart almost burst out of my chest. What were the chances of us being in the same place again? Hell, I wasn't even supposed to be there tonight."
We sat silent again and I shrugged. "I nearly never came," I confessed.
"You know, once I'd left you that day, I almost came back? I kept willing you to get in touch, and when you didn't, I felt very disappointed.
"I'm forty-one years old, Sawyer."
He scowled. "Your hang-ups about age and all that shit have to go. My mom is seven years older than my dad. Besides, I'm mature for my age. Being here with you…" he sighed, exasperated by my protests. "Look, I'm not interested in what some birth certificate says about you. How I've behaved tonight should tell you I am beyond interested. I'm sure there were plenty of pretty girls in that bar, but all of my focus was on you. With your permission, I'd like the chance to explore what this chemistry thing is we have going on between us."
When I didn't reply, he lifted my hand and pressed his lips to it. "Can't you see I find you irresistible? I can't even hold myself back when I want to touch you, Billie. What does that say? What do you say?"
My mind flicked through another round of reasons why we could never work, like an ancient Rolodex, until he placed my hand back on the table, moved away, and slid back in his seat. My body internally groaned at the loss of his touch, but his gaze remained intent.
"This is an amazing opportunity. I don't think we'll ever get again if we pass it up. Still, it's your choice. Say no and I'll call you a cab." His eyes pleaded with me before softening, and I figured he'd considered the pressure of what he was asking. "Billie, I know all of this feels too heavy, but I can only tell you how you make me feel. However, I know I can't feel for you. You're the only one who can decide if I'm worth the risk."
"It's complicated, my life. There's my son to consider. Being a mom to an eight-year-old boy takes up time, and there are so many ties that don't fit in with your world."
"Every couple has trials of one kind or another in their lives, but when they work together they usually overcome them. I'll be on the road for parts of the year. You having a son makes no difference to me. I'm great with kids. They give me the chance to do all the shit I missed out on in my childhood when I was learning to play my guitar."
I had to admit nothing I'd said turned him off and I liked him. More importantly, I was also feeling the same chemistry he'd mentioned and found him more irresistible the longer we talked.
At that moment I decided my problem was that I was getting in my own way and temporarily buried my fears, knowing the longer I took to date the harder it would be.
Then I figured if I were going to date again, I'd likely have one reckless relationship in the process. If I had to do this, then I wanted to do it with him.
"Okay, I'm in. Let's just see where this goes."
As soon as my words were out, Sawyer's face brightened with a huge toothy smile. Springing to his feet, he threw a few bills on the table to pay for his food and grabbed me by the hand.
