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Surely, not right now - but could I later?
I’m torn with what the future holds and what I should do.
I like him. I really, really like him. But unless one of us makes a sacrifice, the relationship has no real chance.
A tear escapes, and I brush it away.
Do I tear off the Band-Aid now, when the relationship is new? On the other hand, do we wait until I’m fully in love with the guy to where it will hurt more?
The uncertainty of the future is dark, and I shake my head to rid myself of these thoughts before they consume me.
I am workingone of my extra shifts a week later, on my normal day off ,and Luke is sitting in a booth working on his laptop in the back of the bar. He’s here for his days off, but since he knew that I would be working, he too brought work with him.
It feels normal, but the feeling of impermanence is still prevalent in the back of my mind.
On my break, I slide into the booth beside him and lean my head on his shoulder. He closes the laptop and moves, so he can wrap his arm around me as he kisses the top of my head.
“I’m sorry that I have to work today,” I say to him.
“We all have to work, one way or another. I’m working too,” he offers.
“What are you working on?” I ask.
“Oh nothing, just a side project that I’m thinking of taking on,” he says indifferently.
“Oh.” I frown.
Is this a project to take more of his time? Make it so it will be harder on us to see one another? I don’t ask him these questions, as I’m too afraid of the answer.
But I hope not.
My shift finishes up early, so Luke and I head over to the auto shop. I had a payment plan worked out with Darshaun for my car, and we agreed that I would pay him what I could as I got the money. My car was going to be in his shop for another week, but I was happy that we were able to come to an arrangement. After paying him, Luke and I head back to my house.
As we walk up the driveway, I hear people arguing from the back of my house. My heart begins to beat faster, and I instantly feel uncomfortable that Luke is here and will likely have to see what I have to deal with.
“What’s that?” he asks.
“Nothing,” I say. “Here’s the house key, can you put my bag and our food inside? I’ll just be a minute.” I hand him everything and without letting him say anything more, I jog around the house and see my mother wearing just a shirt and socks yelling at our neighbor, Mrs. Williamsly.
“You can’t just take other peoples pets, Jessica!” My neighbor points her cane at my mother.
“That’s my dog, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” My mother waves her arms and slurs.
“You don’t think that I don’t know what my dog looks like or that fact that he’s clearly wearing a collar with his name and my phone number on it?”
“So, you stole my dog is what you’re saying?”
I push my hand against my forehead in a face palm, shake my head, and move to stand between the two.
“Mom, go back inside and put some damn pants on. Mrs. Williamsly, I’m sorry. She’s a little…careless.”
“Oh, precious girl, you truly are a saint, with taking care of this God awful woman. You deserve an award. But you see, she came into my yard and stole my Gerald.”
“I know. She’s a little forgetful of her surroundings sometimes,” I say.
“You mean drunk, child. You shouldn’t have to cover up for her all the time. We all know what Jessica is like - we’ve known for years, and we know that she will always be like this.”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry that she tried to steal your dog,” I say just as Luke rounds the house and comes into view. He nods and comes to my side.
