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“I haven’t really had any problems with it until now.”
“When was the last time you got an oil change?” Darshaun crosses his arms.
“I put oil in it every few months,” I defend.
“But have you ever had the oil completely changed out? Your system flushed or anything?” he asks with concern.
“No, sir.” I shake my head.
I am feeling like a little girl, and I’m doing what I can to not tear up right now. I take a deep breath and try to move the conversation forward.
“So, what’s the total that I’ll have?”
“I don’t have a full total of costs, but I can tell you that it won’t be cheap. It will at least be a few hundred for replacing the radiator, and that will take a few days, since I have to order in the parts. I would like to do a full flush out of your system and clear away any of the build-up from over the years and replace all the fluids. You need new brakes and some fuses, and your battery is at the end of the life as well. How long have you had this car?” he asks.
“A few years; I bought it off of some city kid,” I reply and then look to Luke. “No offense.” He holds up his hand in a ‘don’t worry’ gesture and then wraps the same arm around me for comfort.
We go over a few things, and I’m leaving the front office feeling like I’ve been scolded by my parent, except my parent has never scolded me in her life. Now the same parent that I had yelled at the other night about moving out, I’ll really need her rent money to help me pay for my car. With my head in my hands and sadness setting in, Luke steers me to a bench on the sidewalk adjacent from the building.
He rubs my shoulder and brings me into his body.
“I feel stupid. I never met my father, and my mother never really had a steady boyfriend when I was growing up to pass stuff like this to me,” I sob into his chest.
“Hey, it’s not your fault. You really didn’t know. But now you do, and now you will take care of those things,” he says quietly while rubbing my back.
“I’m sorry, I should put my big girl panties on. I need to get over to the bar and see if there are any extra shifts that I can pick up. I’m sorry you came here, and I’m a huge mess,” I say, leaning back and standing up.
“You know that this is a relationship, right? This is everyday life shit; don’t worry about me seeing the bad because it’s normal.”
“I’m a twenty-eight year old who didn’t know she needed to get her oil changed,” I say.
“And there are plenty of people out there like that; you’re not the only person. But what you do have is me, a boyfriend who is willing to teach you things that you don’t know if you will let him.” His hands are on my shoulders, and his knees are bent to see eye to eye with me.
“My boyfriend?” I sniff.
“Isn’t that what I am to you? I refer to you as my girlfriend; am I wrong in doing so?” he asks.
“Absolutely not. And yes, my boyfriend can teach me how to be a man.” I offer him a smile.
“Well, that’s not exactly what I was going for.” He smiles, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me. I wrap my arms around him in return with my cheek on his chest.
I feel happy. Also terrified. I will need to take on some extra shifts, and that, in turn, may take away some days when I would be with Luke. We don’t get enough time as it is, so this sudden thought creeps into my happiness, but I push it away in order to enjoy this moment. The moment that my boyfriend is comforting me.
11.
Luke left that evening,and after some good sexy time, I felt a lot better than I did that afternoon with everything that has happened. I’m bummed that he had to drive back to the city, but I’m happy that he was able to at least come and see me for the day.
But a part of me is worried that we’ll be stuck in a pattern of traveling back and forth forever.
I can’t leave here, he can’t leave there, and I would never ask that of him. There’s nothing here in Mercy for him. I could move to the city, but I don’t have any other options for my mom right now, and it’s not as if she could take care of herself.
Do long distance relationships actually work? All signs point to no, and I’m not sure if I can fool myself into thinking that we can be the one relationship to make it work.
I think of when we’re together, and I smile. We get into the bubble of us and the whole world disappears. Then, once he leaves or I’m driving back home, I can’t help but to question if we’re doing the best thing by having a semi-long distance relationship.
Are we just prolonging the inevitable? One of us will need to make the sacrifice eventually, and it will most likely need to be me.
Can I do that?
