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My ears are starting to ring at the mention of my parents.
I tuck my hands into my pockets to hide the fact they’re shaking. “I’ll look into Igor myself.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. This is just something I have to do alone.”
16
BIANCA
Marrying Bianca was something I had to do to gain information on Gilanto. It was the price I had to pay, Dimitri. Our situation is purely business, nothing more.
I’m not stupid. It’s not like Alexei and I are in love, but to hear him talk so callously has my stomach twisting with nausea.
I thought perhaps there was mutual affection starting to blossom between us. The way he’s nurtured my passion for art, how he’s sat and listened to me talk about my mother, I thought he was actually starting to care for me.
Have I really been that blind? Did I trick myself into thinking there was something more between us because the alternative was too painful to consider?
I shouldn’t have listened in on Alexei and Dimitri’s conversation.
Then again, I shouldn’t have done a lot of things, like sleep with Alexei Koslov, but it seems I’m all about the bad decisions these days.
Having Alexei’s brothers here and hearing the news about Mario Gilanto seems to have pierced the sex-hazed bubble I’ve been in for the past few weeks.
It was meant to be a one-time thing. To scratch an itch and nothing more. But one taste of what it was like to have Alexei Koslov buried so deep inside me, to have his tongue devouring me, had me losing all sense of control.
Perhaps I wanted to forget how dangerous Alexei was, and what it was to be associated with his family, to be a part of his family, to ease some of my guilt for crossing the line.
But that doesn’t mean I can let my guard down. I would do well not to forget that Alexei’s first loyalty is to his family, no matter the promise he made to my father.
I fight the tears in my eyes as I head back toward the living room where Mikhail and Danil are lounging on one of the leather sofas.
“Mikhail?” I force a smile. “Alexei said you might be able to sort me out with a phone?”
It doesn’t take Mikhail long to set me up with a new phone. Alexei was right, he had a stack of brand new iPhones in his desk drawer.
I know there was no point asking him not to put in a tracker. His loyalty is to his brother, not to me. So, I watch him work in silence, trying to swallow past the lump in my throat as Alexei’s words play on repeat in my head.
“He’s a good guy, my brother.” Mikhail turns the new phone on. “Whatever he said or did, he would’ve had a reason.”
Am I that easy to read?
I say nothing, trying my hardest to not let the tears fall in front of Mikhail. I don’t want it getting back to Alexei. So, I bite down on the inside of my cheek and dig my nails into my palms to give me something else to focus on other rather than the endless ache in my chest.
Mikhail doesn’t press me any further, so once he hands me my brand new iPhone, I mutter a thanks and dart upstairs to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.
I cross the room to my bathroom, locking that door behind me also. I know it won’t be enough to actually keep Alexei out, but I want to put some distance between us, to try and sort through the mess that is my head.
There’s only one person who’s able to bring me back to reality when I start to spiral like this, and that’s Zara. She’s my voice of reason, and she’s detached enough from this world that she’ll be able to talk to me rationally. To help me make sense of what’s going on between Alexei and me.
I quickly turn on the shower, hoping the running water will drown out the sound of my voice as I unlock my phone and type in Zara’s number.
She picks up after two rings.
“Hello?”
The sound of my best friend's voice has the last of my walls crumbling.
