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It was good to affirm yourself, something I had learned the hard way. Fuck, it was such a tough time. How could I forget what my mom would teach me every single day of my life whenever I would look at my annoying uniform? I hated the way it made me look, and she would constantly remind me that I looked great.
Closing my eyes, I breathed out happily. Sometimes we forget the finer things in life were actually the simple things. His fingers were quite long. Him unbuttoning his shirt flashed in my mind, and I bit my lip, crossing my legs.
Why was I staring at his lips as he was actively expressing his hate for me right after I did the same to him? The way his tongue would slide over his bottom lip after long periods of talking was actually kind of hot. Am I perhaps a masochist? Why else would I be so turned on from someone being absolutely mean to me? It was kind of stimula–
No! No! That’s dangerous! Sitting up, I grabbed my body gloves and squeezed out my body wash, furiously lathering it all over my body as I busied myself with something else more productive.
Why am I thinking of him? Argh! He’s twice your age, Naomi!
Well, what was so wrong with that?
Right. There wasn’t anything wrong with age-gap relationships. I certainly had nothing against them, and I thought some were blindingly cute! How did we get into relationships? What is wrong with you, Naomi? If they knew what you were thinking, you would lose your job! It’s okay, calm down. No one will know, because nothing will happen.
It was a moment of weakness and years of abstinence. I will be okay. I had done it for two years; I could surely survive another!
After my very conflicted bath, I changed into my PJs and made sure I wore the fluffiest slippers. I wanted to be younger; being an adult was all the things I never thought it would be. Being an adult sucked!
I couldn’t believe I used to wish—no, I used to pray—the years would go on quicker so that I could be an adult, all because Daddy said no to something I wanted. Now that I thought about it, I wanted a lot of stupid things just because my friends had them.
Friends, huh? I’d forgotten what having those was like. Believe it or not, my contact list was quite empty. Studying for a master’s degree distanced me from so many people who were my friends in college. They went on and got married, had kids, and advanced in their careers while I chose grad school.
I didn’t regret it. I would probably be a depressed wife right now.
“What took you so long?” Daddy asked as I walked into the dining room just in time to eat.
“Conflicts,” I muttered as I pulled my gown’s hoodie over my head. Mia looked at me and raised her eyebrow.
“Are you okay, baby?” she asked, concerned, and I nodded with a smile as I sat down on the right-hand side of Daddy. It had always been like that, and Mia didn’t seem to take offense to it; instead, she found it sweet.
She set the steaming hot bowl of chow mein noodles in front of me, and I instantly drooled, staring at happiness. I grabbed my fork, and Dad slapped my fingers, making me drop it.
“Prayer first, young lady!” he scolded me, and I sighed as I closed my hands around each other and brought them to my chest. Closing my eyes, I waited patiently for whoever was going to pray for us, but my ears heard nothing but silence.
I opened my eyes and looked around the table, and both Dad and Mia were staring at me expectantly. “Oh? I’m saying the prayer?” I asked, and Mia smiled innocently as she closed her eyes.
“Okay.” I sighed as I racked my brain to think of a prayer. This should have come easy to me because I grew up in a religious house, but I guessed after living alone for six years, I had forgotten all about it. “Uh, Lord, we thank you for the warm meal you have once again provided for us. We, uhm, pray that it multiplies in our bellies and makes us full?” Was I really asking him? “And God bless Mia’s hands and make sure she stays with Daddy forever, amen!”
“Really? Multiplies in our bellies?” Dad repeated as he grabbed his chopsticks, looking at me as if I were the weird one.
“I mean, He did say go out there and multiply,” I said defensively, and Mia laughed as she shook her head. “What?” I asked as I picked up my fork, laughing. “Does it sound that terrible?”
“No, it makes sense. Let’s dig in.” She pointed to the food, which I happily complied with. Gladly, absolutely willing to do so, and I did not regret all these calories I was gaining—so what?
This was pure delight and everything that was good in the world.
“Would you guys like a glass of wine? It is Friday, after all,” Mia offered as we finished washing the dishes. She already had her fingers gripping the wine glass stems. I grabbed the wine from the tiny pantry Dad had built himself for his alcohol.
“You don’t need my yes, do you?” Dad rolled his eyes as he walked away to the living room, immediately turning on a game channel. Mia and I giggled as we joined him in the living room. They sat together, and I sat on the recliner.
This was exactly how I wanted to spend my evening! Mia did the honors of filling our glasses, and I lightly tapped the brim of my glass, silently letting her know how much I wanted.
“To the brim, Naomi?” my dad asked, shocked, and I smiled innocently.
“I will just keep refilling my glass,” I told him honestly as I grabbed my full glass. I knew it wasn’t right to drink a whole glass, but I couldn’t help it; I’d had a rough week.
After the first three sips, I looked at my Dad and Mia as they commented on the baseball game they were watching. Baseball at work, now even at home? Why was Alexander following me everywhere?
“What’s wrong, Ami? You’ve been murmuring ever since you sat down,” Mia asked, and I smiled at the nickname she gave me.
