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“So you don’t know what my aura is?”
“Haven’t looked,” she said shortly.
I let the conversation sit. She seemed to need a moment.
“Would you give it all up?” Trixie asked a few beats later. She stared out the window, purposefully not meeting my gaze. “Would you go back and avoid being changed into a vampire if you could?”
I considered. It was a good question. Up until now, until these last few weeks, I would’ve said yes without hesitation. The wealth, the lifestyle, the immortal years—I could do without all of that. Given the choice of a normal life, a family, a home, and then a natural death over what I had now, I’d have chosen a normal life.
But that was then, and this was now.
Now, things were different.
“Not anymore,” I murmured. “There was a time when I would’ve given anything I had to get my mortality back, but that time has passed.”
Trixie swallowed hard as if she could tell that I was hinting at something deeper. Something she wasn’t quite ready to hear. I wasn’t ready to face the truth either, but I was ready to start being as honest as I could with Trixie. It was the only way I could hope to move forward.
“Anyway, now you know my sob story, or the gist of it,” Trixie said with a wry glance in my direction. “All these years, I’ve been clinging to the good parts of my mom.”
“And the apartment was one of those good parts.”
“The best part.”
“When did you lose your mom?”
“Right after I gave up my magic.” Trixie gave a shuddering sigh. “I almost killed a man. My mom’s boyfriend at the time wasn’t a good guy. One night, he was getting violent, more than usual. We were living with him, and when I came home that night to his place, I found him with his hands around her throat, and that was it. I just... I blew up at him.”
“Was he going to kill her?”
“I thought so,” Trixie said. “Then I thought I’d killed him for a few minutes. When I saw he was breathing, I ran away. I was sixteen.”
“That was self-defense,” I argued. “There’s nothing wrong with you saving your mother’s life by using your magic.”
“It wasn’t just the attack,” Trixie clarified. “That was just the culmination of it. My whole life, I’d been used for my magic from the one person who was supposed to love me and keep me safe. Sometimes it felt like she only loved me when I was doing things for her, using my powers in a way she couldn’t do herself.”
“That’s awful.”
I shrugged. “I didn’t realize it at the time. But that night, it hit me. Magic was just an unstable, dangerous tool. Even when I tried to use it for good, it was uncontrollable. I decided I was just better off never touching it again.”
“Did you see your mom again?”
“She found me after I ran away. She promised that it was all over. That I’d be safe with her.”
“Was it all over?”
“Never got to find out. She died three days later. Possible overdose.”
“I’m so sorry, Trix. It’s no wonder you don’t use your magic.”
She raised her eyebrows to acknowledge my point. “All that to say, I’ve been feeling unsettled for a long time. I’ve been in survival mode since the day I ran away from home, if not before. Maybe it’s time for me to try and start fresh, to live more intentionally, without the memory of my mother hanging over my shoulder for the wrong reasons.”
I reached over, rested a hand on her thigh, gave a squeeze. “Whatever you need, Trix, I’m here for you. In any way.”
Trixie looked down at our touch as if gently surprised. She didn’t recoil. Instead, she reached a hand down, rested it on mine, gave a gentle squeeze back. This time, it felt natural. This time, there was no stupid Happy Hex behind it.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
We drove like that for a while, my hand cocooned between her leg and her hand. My chest felt like it was ballooning outward from a swell of something resembling real emotions. I felt weaker than I’d felt in years, and I wanted more of it.
