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“Then let’s leave them,” I mutter under my breath.
She rolls her eyes. “Luke, stop it.”
“You don’t want to dance with me?” I reply.
“No,” she replies, pressing a finger against my chest. “I do want to dance with you. That’s the problem. I want to dance with you, and I want to kiss you at midnight, and I want you to take me home, and I want to have loud, wild sex, and then I want to sleep in your bed, and I want you to hold me all night.”
“I will do all of those things,” I reply.
“Even kiss me at midnight?” she whispers.
“Yeah,” I reply, even though I’m drunk, and we both know it, and promises made when intoxicated aren’t really promises at all. She seems to stare at my face for a moment, her eyes drifting down to my lips before back up to my eyes. And I think she’s going to kiss me, but she shakes her head instead.
“No, Lucas, we can’t keep doing this.”
With that, she lets go of my fingers and moves toward Jax, who is still talking to Laura. If I wasn’t so numb from the alcohol, I’m quite certain this would hurt a lot.
Then, a few moments later, when the countdown begins, she’s staring at me. The crowd around us is raucous and loud, moving like they’re stuck in slow motion.
I hear every number of the countdown like a shot. And when the clock strikes midnight, everyone shouts, “Happy New Year.”
I watch with an ache in my heart as she turns her head from me and looks up at Jax. He leans down and presses his lips to hers.
I can’t tear my eyes away.
“Happy New Year,” a soft voice whispers in my ear. I turn my head to find Laura standing next to me. She slings her arms around my neck and kisses me hard on the lips.
I am a coward. I’m nothing more than an asshole with commitment issues. I have been dragging Sadie around for months. Then I dragged this woman out tonight and convinced her, for a moment, that there could be a future between us.
But the truth is, I have a future with no one.
This is just what I do. I break hearts. I have no consideration for other people’s feelings or emotions. I bring people close to me long enough to let them believe a lie, and then I tear it all away. I’ve never realized it until now when I’m about to break the most important heart of all.
“Happy New Year,” I mutter sadly.
“You want to get out of here?” Laura whispers in my ear.
I couldn’t leave with her if I tried. Even if I had my brain convinced that sleeping with someone else would be a good idea, there’s no chance I could get my body on board with that.
Sadie has ruined me. There’s no one else I want to touch, no one else I want to see naked and waiting for me, no one else I want to make moan and whimper and cry sounds of pleasure.
“I’m sorry, but I’m a little too drunk,” I say, which is a cop-out excuse. “I think I’m going to grab a cab home.”
“I understand.” Laura nods. “Well, I had fun tonight.”
“Yeah, me too,” I say.
“Congratulations again on getting into the Stratford Project. Maybe if we convince Sadie to change her major, she’ll be my student in the future.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I say with a fake chuckle.
As I turn toward Sadie, my heart nearly stops in my chest. I grow cold as I watch Jax continue to kiss her. It’s not a New Year’s kiss. His tongue is in her mouth. His lips are on hers. His hands are roaming her side and her back. His body is pressed against hers, and their heads are tilted, their mouths never breaking apart as they devour each other.
Suddenly, I feel as if I’m going to be sick. I mutter a clumsy goodbye to Laura as I bolt for the door, sucking in cold, fresh air once I’m outside.
This is what she wanted all along. She wants him because he is right for her. He’s the father of her child. He’s not leaving or putting his job before her.
I should be happy for her. And yet, I’m stumbling into a cab by myself instead. Not even the alcohol is strong enough to dull the shattering pain of my heart.
