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I bet if I asked him, he would. If I told him to curl up on the couch with me so we could watch a movie and eventually get each other off with our mouths, he would definitely take the bait.
But that’s not what either of us needs. What we need is some distance and some time to reflect on what it is we’re doing.
“Be safe,” I say as he grabs his keys from the dish by the door.
“Are you sure you’re okay just staying home?” he asks.
I give him a thumbs-up because I don’t trust my voice not to crack if I speak. He lets out a deep sigh as he turns and moves toward the door. I’m buried under blankets on the couch, deep into my one-thousandth watch of 10 Things I Hate About You, when I get a text message on my phone. It vibrates in my lap and I pick it up to see it’s from Jax.
I get that tiny little spark of excitement before I hit the button to open the text.
Come out with me tonight.
It’s not a request. It’s not an invitation. It’s a command. And as it turns out, I kind of like commands. Which makes me wonder that if I say no, will Jax put me over his knee and spank me?
The image is immediately repulsive, as if completely unnatural, and I don’t like it. So, I file that thought away before replying.
Well, where are you?
He types back immediately as the bubbles pop up on the screen, and a moment later, the message comes through.
Out with a couple of friends. It’s a pretty chill bar. Nothing like the club that night.
I don’t know if Jax could sense how much I disliked that club that night, but I appreciate the fact that he knows I didn’t like it.
I don’t want to impose if you’re out with your friends.
Which is true. I don’t want to go out with Jax if he’s going to give his attention to someone else. I want to go out with him to be with him, and I want his attention on me, and I don’t think that’s asking for too much.
He replies immediately again.
I lied. I’m here alone, and I just want to see you.
As I stare at those words, my stomach twisting with something I don’t recognize, I quickly type back.
I’m on my way. Send me your location.
In a rush, I get dressed and bolt out the door.
As I walk into the bar, which is obviously packed because it’s New Year’s Eve, I find Jax waving at me from a bar table at the back. I weave through the crowd to take the seat next to him, but before I can sit down, he hoists me into his arms. He squeezes me in a tight bear hug as he mumbles in my ear, “I’m so glad you came.”
After releasing me from the embrace, he looks down at my stomach and puts his hands over the small mound of my belly.
“Oh my god, look at how big you’re getting,” he says. I wince before he quickly corrects himself. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. You look beautiful.”
“It’s okay. I know what you meant. And yeah, it’s getting kind of big.”
“Shit, how much longer do we have?” he asks.
The word “we” in that sentence sends a chill down my spine. “Well, about halfway, actually,” I say. “About four and a half months to go.”
“God, it feels like forever,” he says as he takes a seat at the table. He lifts a brown bottle of beer to his lips as he waits for my response.
“Yeah,” I reply on a sigh. “Actually, it feels like it’s flying by. Four and a half months doesn’t feel long enough.”
“Are you nervous?” he asks.
“Um,” I reply, “not really. I’m actually kind of excited.”
