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“We’ll start with six. Don’t forget to count.”
I drag a heavy breath in through my nose, but before my lungs are even full, pain explodes in dull, agonizing fireworks across my back. The sting doesn’t fade at all; it intensifies.
Letting out a loud wince of pain, every muscle in my body tenses, and I squeeze the bar above my head.
“Let me hear you count, Dr. Goode.”
“One, Miss Green,” I groan.
She strokes my back. “That’s it. You’re taking it so well.” When her touch reaches my head, she scrapes her nails against my scalp and I lean into the touch. After she pulls her hand away from my body, I take another breath because I know there will be another strike of the flogger.
The second one is worse than the first. I wince again as the sting scatters across my back in tiny bursts of pain.
“Two, Miss Green,” I say through clenched teeth.
Sweat drips down my spine, and my blood feels like lava in my veins. It’s strange how the pain tingles through every inch of me, throbbing like pleasure but stinging like torture.
Sadie lets out a grunt of exertion as she hits me again. My head falls backward as I breathe through the pain, this time letting it flow through me instead of fighting against it.
“Three, Miss Green,” I say breathlessly.
“How are you doing?” she asks with concern. Her fingers trail over the raw, battered skin of my back, but I groan in appreciation of her touch.
“Good,” I sigh.
“We can take a break.”
I shake my head. “No. Keep going.”
The last thing I want right now is a break. I want to ride this wave and see where it goes.
“Okay,” she replies. With another grunt, she hits me again. I can’t tell if she put more into it or if I’m just that sore, but it stings the worst.
Then my mind goes to a really strange place. Images of our church flash through my mind. A man on the cross. My father’s words about sacrifice and sin. He spoke about a pain I couldn’t understand. Love I couldn’t fathom.
And it’s ridiculous, but as the pain Sadie serves me flows through me, I feel this overwhelming presence that brings tears to my eyes. Fuck, it’s not God, but it’s something. Maybe it’s me. Maybe it’s her. But it’s like my eyes have been opened, and I see colors that didn’t exist a moment ago. Enlightenment by way of flogger. I didn’t know that was a thing, but right now, I’m drowning in it.
“Lucas,” she whispers. Her fingers touch my face, wiping moisture from my cheeks.
When I peel my eyes open, I stare at her in this room that looks like heaven.
“Four, Miss Green,” I whisper.
“That’s enough. We’re stopping,” she says as she tries to pull my hands from the bars.
“No,” I blurt out angrily. “More. Please.”
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore,” she says, and her voice shakes with pain.
“You’re not hurting me,” I reply. I hardly recognize my own voice from the rasp and gravelly tone in it. “You’re healing me.”
Her brow furrows as she stares at me. It sounds absurd and a little cheesy, but it’s true. I need my penance. I want to feel it again.
“Are you sure?” she whispers.
“Yes. I’m begging you.”
Before she picks up the flogger, she stands on her tiptoes and kisses my lips. I want to hold her, but I refuse to let go of this bar until my punishment is over.
