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April 2009
So, I quit smoking. I quit taking my birth control pills. And I quit fucking asking. I told Ken that, if he didn’t want a kid, it was up to him to keep it from happening. I was done trying to prevent something I wanted so badly.
I was ready for Ken to put up a fight or at least go buy a lifetime supply of condoms at bulk rate prices, but he didn’t. He accepted his fate with graceful resignation, and a few weeks later, I peed on a stick.
“Ken, is that two pink lines or one?”
“Two.”
“But that second one is really faint.”
“You just said that second one.”
“Maybe I should take another test. I mean, I haven’t even missed my period yet.”
“Then, why are you taking a test?”
“Because I’ve been getting headaches, and I kind of want to murder everyone all the time.”
“Isn’t that just PMS?”
“I DON’T KNOW! THAT’S WHY I’M TAKING THE TEST! Sorry. See? I told you. I’d better take another one.”
“Look. The second line got darker.”
“Oh my God. Ken…I’m pregnant.”
“Congratulations.”
That was it. Congratulations.
Fucker.
I went to the doctor the second I found out with a spring in my step and the sun shining on my glowing face. I was prepared for them to tell me that everything was perfect, that my baby was going to be the smartest, cutest, healthiest baby ever, and that, thanks to my knowledge of early childhood development, I was going to be the best mom ever. Then, they were going to pin a blue ribbon on my shirt and send me on my way.
They did not.
“Mrs. Easton,” the doctor said, giving me a stern look over the top of my chart.
I worried the edge of my paper gown. “Yes?”
“Are you aware that you are fifteen pounds underweight for your height?”
“No,” I lied.
Is that all? Damn.
He eyed me suspiciously. “Because of your weight, we are going to have to classify your pregnancy as high-risk.”
High-risk?
“Honestly, you’re lucky you were able to conceive at all.”
What?
“I’m going to be frank, Mrs. Easton.” The doctor set my chart on the counter and leveled me with a no-bullshit stare. “If you do not gain enough weight during this pregnancy and gain it consistently from nutrient-rich foods, your baby is at increased risk of being born preterm or having low birth weight, which, being a school psychologist, you should know could contribute to a variety of developmental delays and health problems.”
Delays? Health problems? Because of me?
