AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I walked back into the sunshine in a fog, holding a prescription for antinausea meds in one hand and my concave stomach in the other. My whole life, I’d been sure of one thing and one thing only—that I was going to be a great fucking mom. I’d known it as a little girl, giving bottles to my baby dolls. I’d known it as a teenager when I naturally found myself mothering all my wayward friends. I’d known it as I poured my heart and soul into my preschoolers, literally shedding blood, sweat, and tears to see them make progress. The idea of me being a good mom had never been challenged before, and I vowed, as I sat behind the wheel of my car, glaring up at my OB/GYN’s office window, that it never would again.
I’ll show you, motherfucker. I’m gonna grow a perfect baby. Just watch.
I was still just as obsessive about what I ate as I’d ever been, but now, I was counting milligrams of folate instead of calories. I was microwaving my lunchmeat to kill the listeria and abstaining from all caffeine and alcohol. I was making sure to get enough protein and calcium while cutting out processed foods and artificial dyes.
And, by my first ultrasound, they said I was on track to gain a healthy amount of weight and that my baby looked perfect.
Perfect.That word was everything I’d hoped to hear, but my joy and relief were overshadowed by anxiety and grief.
Not about the baby.
About the call I’d gotten two days before.
The call I’d been waiting for since the day I met Ronald “Knight” McKnight.
