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“They look blue to me.”
“That’s what I thought.” Katherine and Peter had been the only ones to ever mention it. They must have been seeing things. Either that or the two of them were conspiring against me. After what happened today, I couldn’t be sure.
“Why do you ask?”
“No reason.” I wasn’t going to let Smee know of Katherine’s attempt to drive me insane. I paused, frustrated, trying unsuccessfully to load my cigar holder with my only hand. I couldn’t even smoke a goddamned cigar without fumbling.
Smee reached for the contraption. “Please, sir, let me help.” He quickly placed the cigars and offered up a flame.
I inhaled deeply. Sweet relief. My irritable frustration quickly melted away as billows of white smoke curled from my nose. “You’d make a fine first mate. It’s a shame I appointed you bo’sun.”
“Thank you, Captain, but this is simply what friends do.”
Friends, I hadn’t had a friend since Henry. Losing him damn near killed me. The last thing I needed was another liability. I’d have to remember to keep the crew at a distance.
“I have news about Eli.”
Smee’s eyes lit up, and I instantly had his full attention.
I reached for his hand. “His remains are resting deep within the Viridianwood. I’m so sorry.”
He pulled the glasses from his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. “How do you know this?”
“Pan confessed that Eli, along with others, are there.”
Smee sat silently as a single tear slid down his cheek. “I think I’ve known that Eli was gone for a while. I just never wanted to admit it to myself, and without proof, I had to keep searching for him.”
“Take the crew on a search through the wood. Find your boy and give him a proper resting place.”
“You need our help, Captain. I’ve waited this long for answers; I can wait a few more days. Waiting won’t change the outcome.”
“You’ll do no such thing.” I shook my head. “Go, find your son. I’ll be here figuring out my next move. Oh, and Smee, if you happen to see that crocodile. I want her—alive. Bring her to me.”
“Aye, Captain. I’ll leave behind Starkey. He’ll manage the ship while you recover. Thank you, James. I give you my word. When I return, we’ll make things right. We must stop Peter Pan.”
He’d finally passed out in the captain’s quarters, an empty bottle of rum still clutched in his only hand. Soiled bandages that seeped the strange aubergine blood were all that was left of his other. My hands trembled with exhaustion as I tidied up the room, leaving no evidence of the trauma that had occurred. James’ soft snore disturbed the silence, and the monotonous tone grated on my frayed nerves. I’d tried everything to heal him, but I could never make him whole again, and that had broken him. I was a failure. I knew it. He knew it.
I’d watched him spiral into a darkness I wasn’t sure he could come back from. He was so damn stubborn that he refused to let me give him the pain elixir, choosing rum instead, and it only made things worse. I resorted to slipping the potion into his bottle, along with a few herbs to make him sleep, unable to bear seeing him in any more pain.
I always knew James was plagued by demons. But I hadn’t realized that he’d become one. The glaring red of his eyes still haunted me. He was no longer a mortal human. His strange blood confirmed that much to be true. He’d traded his soul away in the name of revenge. Where did that leave us?
The sun was sinking into the sea by the time I gathered enough courage to leave the ship. “Let’s go, Meadow. I can’t stand it here another minute.” She remained silent as I secured her tiny cage to my waist. The little pixie gave me quiet friendship when I needed it the most. No ‘I told you so’ or flippant comment. Only companionable silence, and I was ever grateful for it.
On the way out of our cabin, I stopped and hesitated at the table, warring with the idea of leaving him a note. I picked up the quill, ready to write a scathing goodbye. Words that had teeth enough to cut him. He deserved no less. But he’d been such a miserable prick to me that I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. My silence would scream volumes.
I glanced at James one last time, finding him exactly where I’d left him, eyes still closed in a drugged oblivion. I tried to swallow down the heartache as I thought of our earlier conversation. The way he had dismissed me so vehemently. He’d been more concerned about keeping that damned ruby than he was of me. I took a few tentative steps and knelt before him. Slipping my hand into his pocket, I pulled out the Heart of the Divine. I contemplated throwing it into the sea out of spite. The thought of his pain when he realized his precious ruby was gone forever brought a smile to my lips. But I couldn’t let go of the possibility that the ruby could change our fate for the better, so without another thought, I quickly pocketed the gemstone. If James was too much of a coward to use it, maybe it was time to take fate into my own hands.
“Milady,” Starkey called the moment I appeared on deck.
“Not now, Mr. Starkey. I’m in no mood for your questions. It’s been a long day, and I need a moment to collect myself. I’ll be back presently.”
“Don’t you think your place is here with him? He’ll need you when he wakes,” he pleaded with me, but James had proven that he didn’t want me.
“He needs vengeance, Mr. Starkey. And I have no potions that can cure him of that.” I shouldered past him without another word, focusing on my escape as the rocky shoreline of Neverland beckoned me. Melancholy had all but consumed me, and I needed to be alone with it. I checked one more time to ensure the ruby was safely tucked into the folds of my dress before leaving the Jolly Roger behind.
I walked for what felt like hours. Not talking. Simply existing. One foot in front of the other. One breath after the next. I don’t remember seeing the landscape as it passed me by. I was becoming desperate to fix this rift between James and me. My mind began to drift to the ruby. Could I use it on James? Could I take away his memories of Peter and leave only memories of me? If that were even possible with whatever dark magic Tiger Lily had sewn into his soul. But if I could, would he still be the man I loved if I took that part of him away? My mind reeled with questions, and my heart ached all the more. There seemed to be no suitable answer.
The moon was nestled high in the sky when I finally collapsed. I found myself on the edge of a cliff. The Never Cliffs, as James had called them. I sat with my feet hanging over the edge peering down at the dizzying drop to the churning seas below.
