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“Aye, Captain.” Smee scurried off, leaving me with Kat and her pixie.
“Have the crew carry me to bed. I wish to be left alone.”
I had polished off an entire bottle of rum and was making a hefty dent in the second. It wasn’t exactly great at masking the pain, but I’d been drinking it as though it were the cure to all my ails. A vain attempt to shut down my nagging thoughts. Nonetheless, they continued to cloud my mind. Replaying the event over and over again in grueling, gruesome detail.
I couldn’t make sense of why, when I had the chance, I fucking hesitated. I had him in my snares not once, but twice. Fucking twice! I was too concerned with how to kill him instead of just ending the feud once and for all. A simple death wasn’t enough to suffice my demon. I had become greedy with revenge. And what boggled me the most, what ate at my very core, was Katherine. She had actually pleaded to save Pan’s life. Whose side was she on? Could I trust her? Did she want to be their mother? I thought she loved me. I thought she was my other half. That we shared something special. But now, doubts plagued me.
The cabin door creaked open. “How are you doing?” Kat asked softly, peeking her head into the room. “May I come in?” She didn’t wait for a response before making her way to my bedside. “I brought you something for the pain and some fresh bandages. We should clean the wound now that the bleeding has stopped. We don’t want it to fester.”
“I don’t want your elixirs. What I need is more faerie dust. Where is that useless pixie of yours?”
“Meadow has already healed you as much as she can.”
“Then where the fuck is my right hand, Katherine?” I lifted the useless stump so she could see it with her own eyes. “Why hasn’t it grown back?”
Katherine’s eyes welled with tears. “Meadow said there are things that can’t be healed with faerie dust. I… I tried a few things while you were passed out. Nothing seems to be working. I’m tirelessly searching for a solution. But, like Meadow, my magic has limitations.”
“The only thing limited here is your loyalty. Riddle me this, Miss Hawkins, did you know about the crocodile?” Rage began to boil in my heart. “You knew, and you said nothing.”
“James, your eyes. They’re red again.”
“James, your eyes,” I mocked. “I don’t give a fuck about my damn eyes. Why didn’t you warn me?”
“You know my visions are cryptic. I didn’t know this was going to happen.”
“What else are you keeping from me, huh? You are the reason I lost my hand, Katherine. You distracted my focus. You demanded that I spare the boy and leave Neverland behind.”
“I was simp?—”
“And why, pray tell, is my blood this god-forsaken color? Did you use magic on me, Miss Hawkins?”
“Meadow said it’s from your deal with Tiger Lily. She used magic on you, not me. Or are you too drunk to remember your bargain with the Princess?”
“I’m sober enough to know you, the woman who claims to love me, can’t be trusted. Where’s Smee?”
Katherine took a deep breath. “He’s with Starkey, managing the crew.”
“Bring him to me. I’m done talking to you.” She turned to leave, but I grabbed her arm. “Oh, and, Katherine, before you go, I believe you’ve taken something that belongs to me.”
She looked at me quizzically. “I don’t know?—”
“Don't play coy with me. Give me back my ruby!”
Her brow furrowed, and her lips set in a hard line, but she remained silent as she fished the gemstone from her skirts. She threw it at me before turning on her heels and storming out the door.
Once I had the room to myself, I turned the ruby around in my fingers, watching how the facets bent the light to their whim. Not unlike the power the stone gifted to its steward. The consequences of using the Heart of the Divine weighed heavily on my mind. I’d only used it a handful of times, and now I couldn’t help but wonder if the piper had come for his pound of flesh. I placed the ruby back safely in my pocket and made a silent vow to never abuse it again.
“Captain, Miss Hawkins said you were asking for me?” Smee poked his head into my cabin.
“Yes, please, come closer. Pull up a chair. We have much to discuss.” I had to tell Smee about his son. He deserved closure, and I could at least offer him that much.
“It’s a bleeding shame about your hand. How’s the pain?”
“I’ve felt worse,” I lied. I had never, in all my years of service to that masochist, Blackbeard, ever endured a pain even close to what I’d experienced at the hands of Pan.
Smee gave me a knowing smile but kept his thoughts to himself.
“Tell me, are my eyes red?” I stared at him, widening my eyes to ensure he got a good look.
