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Defeated.
I was frozen in my own hell, waiting for it to stop. I’d questioned my sanity on more than one occasion, but the hiss of voices in my head confirmed that I’d truly tipped over the edge. The feel of cool fingers on my skin pulled me out of the storm. I flinched, throwing off the offending touch. Whirling on the world, ready to destroy anything and everything.
“James?” The tremble in that sweet voice sliced through the madness, and I found myself peering into emerald eyes. The world, in all its cruelness, came rushing back. The cutlass in my hand quivered as I held it to Katherine’s throat. She swallowed hard but stood her ground, staring down the beast that had taken over.
I hadn’t fully regained control over my demon, but I managed to drop the sword. A trickle of blood flowed from the nick on her neck. Marking how close my blade had come to ending the only good thing in my life. I drew a shaky breath into my burning lungs, trying to get a hold of myself.
“Love, are you… are you alright?” she asked hesitantly.
I grabbed her arm and dragged her body against mine. A mew of panic escaped her lips but then melted into a moan as my tongue found her throat, licking the blood from her skin. I sucked at the wound, pulling more of her life source into my mouth, the silver tang of her sating my blood lust.
I pulled away just as quickly, wiping her blood from my lips. “Never better, love. If war games are what he wants, then game on.”
It had been a fortnight since the confrontation with Pan that had gone so tragically wrong. I’d spent the better part of that first week buried in planning and plotting. I had discreetly sent letters out across Neverland looking for allies. I was determined to turn the entire island against Pan. Apparently, it was going to take more than one epic battle to settle a lifetime of revenge. If I had to destroy Peter Pan one piece at a time, then that’s what I’d do. The scheming was enough to quell my demon for now, but the voices hadn’t stopped. I drowned them out the best I could with rum. It was a daily reminder that my mind was truly broken. Given enough time, I could control them. I had to control them.
Katherine sat silently across the table from me as she ate her breakfast. She’d been giving me the space I’d asked for. Demanded was a more appropriate description of how it all went down, and I hadn’t been nice about it. She busied her days with that damn pixie, the two of them working on the perfect poison for Pan. Her dedication to its creation was an affront to my ego—she didn’t believe I could kill Pan on my own.
I did my best to swallow my pride and ignore it, but I’d been failing miserably. I knew she deserved better from me. The fear of losing her, of letting her down, was driving me to desperation. I couldn’t let her find out how deeply disturbed I really was. I’d rather push her away now while I sorted out all my faults than lose her forever. I had a lifetime to make it up to her. Even though she was within an arm’s length, it felt like we were fathoms apart.
“Katherine—”
A slight rapping at the door interrupted my feeble attempt at small talk. “Come in!” I barked.
The door creaked open, and Smee poked his head in. “Is now a good time, Captain?”
I looked at Kat, ready to dismiss the man if it looked like she would only talk to me, but her eyes never left the food on her plate. The chasm between us was growing, but I could do nothing about that now.
“Yes, yes,” I grumbled, waving him into the cabin. The man had quickly become indispensable. I’d named him as my bo’sun shortly after he’d arrived on the ship. “What news do you have for me?”
“We received a response from the fae. It seems the young princess, Tiger Lily, wants to meet in person to, umm…” He pulled a piece of parchment from his breast pocket and read from the page. “To further discuss your request to kidnap Lost Boys and deliver them to pirates.” This got Kat’s attention. Her emerald eyes shot up to mine. A look of reproach set into the lines of her brow.
“That’s not how I worded it in my letter to her,” I assured Kat. “The youth of Neverland are going to drive me to an early grave,” I mumbled to myself as I stabbed my fork into the egg on my plate.
Katherine cleared her throat but said nothing, averting her eyes back to her food.
“Did she specify a time and place for this meeting to occur?”
“It says that she will send a member of her Royal Guard to make arrangements.”
“Dammit! The fae have no sense of urgency when they live immortal lives. It could be years before she sends for me.”
“And another thing, Captain. The supplies we’ve been storing on the mainland appear to have been ransacked. The men found this note among the remaining scraps.” Smee handed me a piece of parchment with scribbled letters that read Pirats R bad.
“Goddamned brats! Mr. Smee, drop the men to half rations until we can get the stores replaced. Be sure to grab a bottle of rum from my stash and pass it around. Hopefully, that will compensate for the missing half.”
“Aye, Captain. Shall we be expecting you topside soon?”
“I’ll be there presently. You are dismissed, Smee.”
My attention reverted to Katherine once we were alone. “And what might you be up to today?” I asked. Our conversations of late had been nothing more than pleasantries, but I couldn’t think of any other way to break the tension between us.
“Oh, don’t worry about me. I’ll be spending my day with Meadow.” Her every word was punctuated with irritation.
She doesn’t want you.
She knows you’re worthless.
She can do better.
