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It would take someone very special to be in a relationship with Fynn. To be comfortable with his lifestyle and chosen profession. Would he give that up for the right person? Does he want that? Want to settle down, stop working? It has to be exhausting. If sex is your job, where is the pleasure when you are off the clock?
“I’ve never said those words to anyone,” I say. Fynn cocks a brow at me. Of course he knows I said them to Nandy. Said them over the phone, casually, as we were ending a call. Nandy was still in the hospital. I don’t know if Fynn was with him or not. But it wouldn’t surprise me if he told Fynn I said it.
“He never said it back,” I say. “I’m not sure he thinks I meant it. It wasn’t really perfectly timed or romantic or… I don’t know.”
“This isn’t a movie, TJ. Nothing is perfectly timed, or comes out right. Romance is overrated.”
“Well, he never said it back, so….”
“Have you said it since?”
I shake my head. I haven’t. I’ve been afraid. Embarrassed. Since he didn’t say it back, he doesn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want to ruin what we had by saying it again. By making him feel like he has to say something. But he said something today, didn’t he?
“It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t feel the same way and, well, it’s over.”
Fynn’s eyes flash, like he is surprised? I’m not sure how to read him.
“Come on, I know you know more than I do about where his head is.”
“Not really. He can close that door pretty hard when he wants to.”
I drain my glass and walk to the bar and pour myself another. Fynn eyes me suspiciously.
“If I leave, then it really is over and I’m not sure I can bear it.”
“TJ, I wish I had an answer for you. I wish I could tell you don’t give up. It will all be okay, just like in the movies. Run back up there, declare your love…don’t let him shut you out. But I can’t tell you any of that, because…” he drifts off.
Because he’s already tried that. And so have I.
“How long have you been in love with him?”
He doesn’t deny it for a second. “From the minute he set foot in music class and picked up a violin and sat himself right next to me.”
“So the last thing you want is for things to work out for me and him?”
“You’re wrong about that.”
I finish my bourbon in one long swallow, put my glass down, and walk away from the bar. My head is already buzzing. And knowing this man in front of me is, in fact, my competition has my heart pounding, too. But there’s something else going on in my gut. I like Fynn. I’ve always liked him. Felt a bond with him. We’ve gotten close these past few months.
“I want him happy,” Fynn says. “I’ve seen him not. I’ve seen him make horrible choices when it comes to relationships…. but you—”
“Why not you?”
“Oh, let’s just go with the whole ‘I don’t want to ruin the friendship thing.’”
“Is that you talking or him?”
“Doesn’t matter, because it turned out to be the best decision we ever made. Keep it friends with benefits. Start the club together…then we can have sex without the problem of entanglements, of a relationship, of hearts being involved…win win.”
He tries to keep his tone cheerful, but it’s not working. I can see right through him. He is a worse lier than Nandy.
“You’re not okay with that.”
“I have to be.”
He swallows his vodka and walks to me.
“I have to be,” he breathes again. “He will not be willing to share you.”
