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KELLY: OMG! I just heard. I’m so sorry, Nic. I’m here if you want to talk.
SIMONE: I just found out about your mother. My condolences, Nicole. I’m here if you need me.
MIA: Prayers to your family, Nic. I can’t believe she is gone.
LILA: I’m sitting here in shock. I’m just a phone call away if you need me. XOXOXO
Those were some of the messages I’d received over the course of the last few days from friends and acquaintances in Los Angeles. The news spread quickly, and for yet another reason, I cursed the fact that my family belonged to the Titan brotherhood. If they hadn’t, I could’ve been able to start the grieving process in peace.
Damn, Nicole. I just heard the news. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know how much your mother meant to you, and how worried you’ve been about her condition. I’m sure you’re busy with family, but if you need to talk, I’m here for you.
That message was one I’d thought about deleting, but didn’t. Travis had been here for me the entire time. He’d also been there for me on some of my trips home to California, and even here in Chicago. If I hadn’t had someone as supportive as him by my side, I never would’ve found the strength to end things with Callum. As my thoughts turned to him, I glanced down at the next text message which came from him.
I know we’re on a break and all, but I just heard about Isabella. I’m sorry I never got a chance to meet her. She sounded like such an amazing woman, but then again, she made you so she had to be. I want to offer my sympathies to your entire family, and to let you know that I’m available if you ever want or need to talk. – C
I brushed my thumb over his message. I really could’ve used him right now, but I had to remain strong.
“A Courtland always stands tall in the face of adversity, tragedy, or simple fuckery. You, my darling, will always stand the tallest,” my mother had once told me and it would’ve been enough to bring tears back to my eyes had I not been all cried out.
She was right, so I deleted his message and pulled back up the one from Travis.
Thanks, Travis. I don’t really want to talk right now, but I will keep your offer open.
Those messages had all come in last night, but I hadn’t felt like reading any of them until now. I pretty much got home Sunday evening, and I was now dressed and ready for classes. My father told us that our mother would want it this way. I knew it was more him just wanting to be alone, which I completely understood. He was so stubborn, especially when all I wanted to do was try to help him.
“Don’t worry about me, Logan. The weight is about to be lifted from your shoulders. The burden—”
“You’ve never been a burden to me, Bella. Please reconsider and don’t do this to me... to our children... to us. We can talk—”
“I have to go, my love. Just know that wherever you go from here, I’ll be right beside you. One day, your time on this earth will be through as well, and once it is, we can be together for an entire eternity. I love you, and I always will.”
Those were the last words I’d witnessed between them before she called for us to join him. My father felt so much guilt afterward, and the following day, he’d woken up and pretended as if our entire world hadn’t come crashing down around us. He’d begun working, firing off emails about properties and mergers. I’d tried to get him to stop and breathe, but I’d ultimately failed. He did find me that evening to tell me that he had a business trip to Miami planned, and that Nicolai and I needed to return to school.
I’d persisted, but those Titans were an impossible bunch. I’d seen it first hand with my grandfather, father, brother, and even Callum who I was less than an hour away from having to face. I could very easily take a few days off from school, but what good would it do? I was my father’s daughter after all, and I remembered what he’d told me the night after my mother’s death.
“Obligation doesn’t take a back seat to grief or anything else, Nicole. I have a business I’d helped build from the ground up, and people depending on me. You have classes to take, so one day soon you’ll be able to join me and Jonas. You’ll help us run what we’ve created, and have others depending on you, too.”
The topic of conversation was closed that night and we knew what we were expected to do, so I’d hugged Nicolai at the airport and boarded my plane. Sleep evaded me, much as it had since I’d broken up with Callum. Because he always came here to see me, this place reminded me so much of him. I hated experiencing doubts, and moments of weakness. I knew who I was, and what was expected of me. I’d just never lost two important people within weeks of one another. I ended up tossing and turning all night long, and even once or twice thought about reaching out to him after all until my mother’s final piece of advice echoed in the empty darkness.
And because I knew my worth, I couldn’t give in to the pain. Callum could erase it so easily, but eventually even the haze of it all would evaporate, and I’d be left with nothing. Actually, I wish I felt nothing. Right now, the heaviness in my chest was so suffocating, I even prayed for it to crush me completely.
I needed to get through this on my own, so I didn’t, and now dread filled me at even having to see him at all. It would help if I didn’t look as tired as I felt, so I splashed some cold water onto my face, then began to apply some makeup, paying extra attention to the dark shadows under my eyes.
Even when my mother was on her deathbed, she still looked so damn beautiful. If she could be on death’s doorstep and still manage to look presentable, I could do the same for Senior Lit class. I finished making up my face, then I brushed my long, dark hair out before letting it hang loosely down my back. A few spritzes of my favorite perfume, and I was finally ready to get this over and done with. I grabbed my book bag, then headed outside.
I normally would just take an Uber to school, but I didn’t really want to talk to anyone until I was forced to, so I fumbled around in my purse for the keys Jonas had left me on his last visit, and decided I would just drive to school today instead. He’d left his champagne colored Maserati, so I entered the garage and quickly found it with help from the key fob.
Snow was falling as I exited the garage. I hadn’t heard anything about severe weather, nor had I received any alerts, so I didn’t worry too much about it. One of the things I’d been so excited about when I first came to Chicago was the weather, but with everything else that’d happened in recent days and weeks, I couldn’t even muster enough excitement to enjoy it. Maybe another day, but not today.
UChicago was just south of my place, so it wasn’t long before I arrived. I didn’t immediately get out of my car, instead taking those much needed extra seconds to compose myself. They quickly ticked by, turning into minutes, and when I finally glanced down at my watch and realized what time it was, I got out of the car. The campus wasn’t as crowded as it usually was, and I assumed many were likely still in vacation mode. It would be so easy for me to turn around and just get my notes from Travis later, but it was better to get this over with. With any luck, Callum would see that I was fine, and we could return to a familiar indifference.
I managed to make it to class before the bell rang, and when I entered the class, Travis was the first person I saw. He looked up, and where he normally would grin at me, pity altered his features instead. After taking a deep breath, I walked over to him and took my seat.
“I didn’t think you’d be here today,” Travis whispered.
“The semester’s not over yet.” I forced a smile, then started to pull my notebook, pen, and book out of my bag.
Not many in the class knew what I’d just gone through, so they were talking amongst each other. I knew the moment they went silent was because of Callum. Looking up, I saw him step into the classroom, then pause as he stared directly at me. Our eyes met, and just like that, time seemed to stand still. He was so beautiful, which I knew was a term that most would never associate with a guy, but I couldn’t think of another that fit. We continued to stare at one another until he blinked, then the moment was broken. He walked passed me, then went to the center of the class to greet us all.
